Monday, July 18, 2016

Deal with it

Monday:

Tim is back at work and Aiden at school today, Jasmine goes back tomorrow.

This morning I weighed 82.0 kg. Tiny bit up.

I've realised I just have to learn to deal with things as they are now. I have night sweats (often with bad dreams) regularly but I can generally just go back to sleep after they wake me. The herbal tablets don't always work, or I forget to take them. Wearing summer pyjamas, so I am too cold, does seem to help. It's one more thing disrupting my sleep, but I can cope (most days).

The pelvic pain, extended heavy periods, emotional roller coaster, well I'm seeing the gyno next week about the fibroids but if this is my life now well I can't keep turning to chocolate to save me. It doesn't work.

My foot: last night I decided to give up. I've spent months using every treatment available even super strong stuff I had to travel to get from a specialist chemist, the doctor has frozen it four times, nothing has worked. Several times the acid paint has made a chunk of dead skin with part of the wart peel off, but within about 24 hours it was back. It is twice the size it was three months ago. I'll just have to wait for my body to reject the virus, which typically takes a couple of years or more.

So what does that mean? It means I don't want to keep my life on hold waiting to be able to walk comfortably again. But just thinking that doesn't stop it hurting, so I'm not really sure what to do. One thing is that generally it hurts a lot more in the morning and less in the afternoon, so I can work around that. I can remind myself that I am not doing myself any damage - it's not like an injury that needs to be rested.

I put my plans into practise with a short walk in the afternoon with Jasmine. 20 minutes around the block included her trying to catch some Pok√©mon which slowed us down, the rest of the time she was zooming ahead barely within shouting range. I went slow. When we started I hardly hurt at all, by the time we got back I was very uncomfortable. The pain went again once I was home so it didn't set me up for hours of agony or anything. I will try to remind myself that it will only hurt in the moment then it will be over.

We also did the grocery shopping with no junk bought, only strawberries and cherries for an afternoon tea treat. Good day.

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