Thursday:
Today I had my eyes tested. I only got my glasses two years ago, I'd had perfect eyesight since I had LASIK surgery about 20 years ago. I felt that they had deteriorated a bit more, and I was right. I've gone from R -0.50 L -0.50 to now R -0.75 and L -1.00. I don't know exactly what the numbers mean except that my left eye is twice as worse as it was (yes I know that is bad English) and my right eye worse than it was but not as worse as the left. I've ordered new glasses. I also had all the macular testing and my eyes are otherwise healthy.
Then I did the grocery shopping and got mainly healthy stuff but also a few things for the weekend, then as soon as I got home I asked my husband to hide those things away (he is still home sick) until Saturday because I don't entirely trust myself. The author of the Carb Cycling plan I'm using says to not bring treat foods into the house - buy and eat them elsewhere on your treat day - and that is an even better idea but less convenient. I'm hoping that getting my husband to hide them is enough. I'm trying not to think too much about it in advance because I want nachos and chocolate biscuits right now! Putting it out of my mind in 3, 2, 1...
I did the stupidest thing today. I had started making my delicious, time-consuming chicken soup yesterday and refrigerated it overnight. This afternoon I skimmed off the fat, pulled the falling-apart chicken meat off the bones, strained the used-up vegetables out of the wonderful stock - and realised what I was doing with the stock. I was devastated. I managed to save less than half of it. I added commercial chicken stock to make up the volume (otherwise it would be all chicken no soup) but it wasn't the same at all. Very bland. Should have just used what stock I had and half the chicken rather than ruining it all. Should have not lost the stock, if we're turning back time.
There, that took my mind off chocolate biscuits. Oh, wait...
Report card:
Diet: Good. I may have had a couple of squares of dark chocolate in the evening.
Exercise: Poor. Nil.
Water: Good.
Sleep: Fitbit says I slept well for nearly eight hours, only one period of wakefulness. But I woke feeling utterly exhausted. Could hardly get out of bed and spent the first half hour as a zombie. But I felt more normal eventually. Maybe I just woke in the middle of a sleep cycle.
Mental health: Mostly good.
Thursday, April 30, 2015
Wednesday, April 29, 2015
Running up stairs
Wednesday:
Dad called last night and he is back home with new medication to add to his pill box, and keeping some food down. But he doesn't have results of the tests yet so we don't actually know what is wrong.
I got to the gym this morning and did 45 minutes at medium intensity on the elliptical then walked down/ran up the stairs five times for a total of 100 stairs. I made it to 10,000 steps by the end of the day. Three days in a row!
Tim was home sick today. He played computer games while I did my work. It was nice for Aiden that daddy was home, it meant he didn't have to accompany me to Jasmine's dance lesson and sit bored for an hour (he gets to play my iPhone). The studio is just far enough away that it's not worth driving home so we always stay. It's too cold to walk outside now at that time of the evening. I loved having pulled pork to come home to - and it's high carb day so I got to have a tortilla! Yummy.
Report card:
Diet: Good.
Exercise: Great.
Water: Good.
Sleep: Good with compliance, but restless.
Mental health: Good.
Dad called last night and he is back home with new medication to add to his pill box, and keeping some food down. But he doesn't have results of the tests yet so we don't actually know what is wrong.
I got to the gym this morning and did 45 minutes at medium intensity on the elliptical then walked down/ran up the stairs five times for a total of 100 stairs. I made it to 10,000 steps by the end of the day. Three days in a row!
Tim was home sick today. He played computer games while I did my work. It was nice for Aiden that daddy was home, it meant he didn't have to accompany me to Jasmine's dance lesson and sit bored for an hour (he gets to play my iPhone). The studio is just far enough away that it's not worth driving home so we always stay. It's too cold to walk outside now at that time of the evening. I loved having pulled pork to come home to - and it's high carb day so I got to have a tortilla! Yummy.
Report card:
Diet: Good.
Exercise: Great.
Water: Good.
Sleep: Good with compliance, but restless.
Mental health: Good.
Tuesday, April 28, 2015
More worries
Tuesday:
Kids are back at school today. I scheduled a very busy day for myself but made sure I left time to go to the gym first thing.
Straight after breakfast my dad called from hospital. He'd told me a week or so ago that he'd been sick for a while, well he'd got worse until he was unable to digest anything and was hospitalised last night and they've done a lot of tests that he doesn't have the results of yet. He was hopeful that it was nothing serious and that he would be able to go home soon with medication, but I think that is just wishful thinking. Very worrying. He's had a lot of health issues for years now. He waved away the offer of a visit (it's a long way) so I'll wait and see what the test results say.
The car has been making some odd noises (last night when Tim was backing out of the driveway I actually went outside to see if a UFO was landing. Or maybe a enormous flock of pigeons) and with dad sick six hours drive away it suddenly became extremely important that we have a reliable car. So I booked that in for Friday.
All this took a while and I no longer had time to get to the gym and shower etc before my first appointment, so instead I drove to the city early and took a 20 minute walk in the park nearby. Actually 10 minutes outside then 10 back in the shopping centre - it was freezing out there! Then I rushed around and got all my stuff done and home before the kids finished school. I had lunch at my favourite Chinese restaurant, a chicken and vegetable stir fry. Very hard to track calories because I have no idea how much what I had weighed, or what was in the delicate sauce. But going by hunger levels, I didn't eat too much; I felt comfortable afterwards and not overstuffed at all. No rice or noodles.
One of the things I did was go to the Apple store for my appointment with one of the geniuses. He couldn't work out why my phone wasn't connecting to my computer as it worked fine with his, but when I got home it worked for the first time in weeks! So his poking around had some effect, my guess is some dust fell out when he took it apart even though he said it was clean. I'm just happy I can download photos again.
Here is a recent one of me:
This one is funny, we got to my brother-in-law's house on Saturday and look at what they are wearing! The hoodies are not even the same brand, but they look identical. That is Nick on the left
and my husband Tim on the right.
Kids are back at school today. I scheduled a very busy day for myself but made sure I left time to go to the gym first thing.
Straight after breakfast my dad called from hospital. He'd told me a week or so ago that he'd been sick for a while, well he'd got worse until he was unable to digest anything and was hospitalised last night and they've done a lot of tests that he doesn't have the results of yet. He was hopeful that it was nothing serious and that he would be able to go home soon with medication, but I think that is just wishful thinking. Very worrying. He's had a lot of health issues for years now. He waved away the offer of a visit (it's a long way) so I'll wait and see what the test results say.
The car has been making some odd noises (last night when Tim was backing out of the driveway I actually went outside to see if a UFO was landing. Or maybe a enormous flock of pigeons) and with dad sick six hours drive away it suddenly became extremely important that we have a reliable car. So I booked that in for Friday.
All this took a while and I no longer had time to get to the gym and shower etc before my first appointment, so instead I drove to the city early and took a 20 minute walk in the park nearby. Actually 10 minutes outside then 10 back in the shopping centre - it was freezing out there! Then I rushed around and got all my stuff done and home before the kids finished school. I had lunch at my favourite Chinese restaurant, a chicken and vegetable stir fry. Very hard to track calories because I have no idea how much what I had weighed, or what was in the delicate sauce. But going by hunger levels, I didn't eat too much; I felt comfortable afterwards and not overstuffed at all. No rice or noodles.
One of the things I did was go to the Apple store for my appointment with one of the geniuses. He couldn't work out why my phone wasn't connecting to my computer as it worked fine with his, but when I got home it worked for the first time in weeks! So his poking around had some effect, my guess is some dust fell out when he took it apart even though he said it was clean. I'm just happy I can download photos again.
Here is a recent one of me:
This one is funny, we got to my brother-in-law's house on Saturday and look at what they are wearing! The hoodies are not even the same brand, but they look identical. That is Nick on the left
and my husband Tim on the right.
I've got to make sure I get to bed earlier tonight. The quality of my sleep is much better, most nights, but I wake at dawn for some reason and my bedtime has drifted a bit later than it should. I suddenly hit a wall of exhaustion at night and then struggle to make the effort to get to bed. Hopefully if I get to bed a little earlier I can make it to 8 hours of sleep. Wouldn't that be lovely!
Yesterday I was over 8,500 steps at dinner so I thought I could make it to 10,000 even though I am pretty sedentary in the evening. But I hit that wall of tiredness and decided just to go to bed without checking the fitbit for an update. I was heading up the hallway when I got the buzz alert from my wrist - 10,000 steps! Go me.
Right now I am 9,500 steps so I will definitely get to 10 before bed. I'll do some pacing in the commercial breaks.
This afternoon I started getting strong cravings for unhealthy carby food. Keeping in mind my meltdown on Friday night, it seems I might struggle a bit with the second day in a row of low carb. I added a little bit of carbohydrate to my afternoon snack. It really helped and I got through the rest of the day fine. I'm still experimenting with what works best for me.
Report card:
Diet: Good. Not entirely sure about the Chinese food - could have had more salt and sugar than I think although it tasted pretty clean - otherwise great.
Exercise: Good. Got the steps in even though I couldn't get to the gym.
Water: Good.
Sleep: Good.
Mental health: Worried about my dad.
Monday, April 27, 2015
Nice Monday
Monday:
I wasn't sure what this morning's scale would say, but I was down 0.1 kg since Friday so I guess I did pretty well on the weekend! No big sodium gain. It's even that time of the month approaching, so holding steady is excellent.
It is the last day of the autumn school holidays. The kids (and teachers) got today off, connected to the public holiday ANZAC Day which fell on Saturday this year. Odd that it's not a public holiday Monday for everyone, just state public servants. ANZAC (Australia and New Zealand Army Core) Day is the day we thank our military for their service and sacrifice. We didn't do anything particular - the official ceremony at the War Memorial is always at dawn which is a bit extreme for us - but my dad was in the Air Force when I was a child so I do take the time to think about it all.
I'm feeling very much on track today. I did half an hour of Fantasia this morning for my arms then went for a walk with the kids for my legs. I gave the kids the option of what to do on their last afternoon and after much discussion they chose watching a movie on Foxtel. I spent that time catching up on some work reading.
My food today (low carb day) means very little carbohydrate except for breakfast but I can have fat with my protein. Breakfast was one rasher of bacon, one egg, one slice of toast, one whole tomato, one cup of tea. Lunch was chicken wings and broccoli baked in the oven with lots of spices (chilli flakes, lemon zest, sumac, smoked paprika, garlic powder) and salad and a cup of tea. Afternoon snack a handful of mixed nuts, two cups of chicken and vegetable broth. Dinner steak and salad. Supper a piece of cheese.
Report card:
Diet: Great.
Exercise: Good.
Water: Excellent.
Sleep: Good.
Mental health: Good.
I wasn't sure what this morning's scale would say, but I was down 0.1 kg since Friday so I guess I did pretty well on the weekend! No big sodium gain. It's even that time of the month approaching, so holding steady is excellent.
It is the last day of the autumn school holidays. The kids (and teachers) got today off, connected to the public holiday ANZAC Day which fell on Saturday this year. Odd that it's not a public holiday Monday for everyone, just state public servants. ANZAC (Australia and New Zealand Army Core) Day is the day we thank our military for their service and sacrifice. We didn't do anything particular - the official ceremony at the War Memorial is always at dawn which is a bit extreme for us - but my dad was in the Air Force when I was a child so I do take the time to think about it all.
I'm feeling very much on track today. I did half an hour of Fantasia this morning for my arms then went for a walk with the kids for my legs. I gave the kids the option of what to do on their last afternoon and after much discussion they chose watching a movie on Foxtel. I spent that time catching up on some work reading.
My food today (low carb day) means very little carbohydrate except for breakfast but I can have fat with my protein. Breakfast was one rasher of bacon, one egg, one slice of toast, one whole tomato, one cup of tea. Lunch was chicken wings and broccoli baked in the oven with lots of spices (chilli flakes, lemon zest, sumac, smoked paprika, garlic powder) and salad and a cup of tea. Afternoon snack a handful of mixed nuts, two cups of chicken and vegetable broth. Dinner steak and salad. Supper a piece of cheese.
Report card:
Diet: Great.
Exercise: Good.
Water: Excellent.
Sleep: Good.
Mental health: Good.
Saturday, April 25, 2015
Home again
Sunday:
I'm home! It was a challenging weekend in terms of diet. I think I did ok.
We had McDonalds for lunch on the way to Sydney yesterday. Six nuggets and medium fries. We went to my brother's house for afternoon tea, the main reason for going to Sydney this particular weekend was to get some paperwork regarding mum's estate done. As usual, Darren was annoyingly pedantic (he has obsessive compulsive disorder) but we got it done. We took cake because it was his birthday three weeks ago, I had about three bites of mud cake and a cup of tea.
The weather was closing in fast so we left a bit earlier than we had planned, trying to get to my brother-in-law's house before the storm. But about ten minutes after we left the hail hit! We were stuck on the motorway. Everyone drove very slowly and carefully, the hail was like snow all over the road but at least the individual pieces were only marble-size or smaller so the car didn't seem in danger. We got through it ok. The kids thought it was great fun!
I avoided most of the pre-dinner food, then enjoyed my dinner and dessert and had nothing afterwards. It certainly wasn't an ideal food day, even for a so-called "free day" but kept the eating relatively restrained and I think it compared well to other weekend trips.
During the evening chat with family, my father-in-law mentioned he is planning on moving away from Sydney now that he is wrapping up his business. We already knew that my brother-in-law Nick and his wife are likely to go and live in China for a while soon (Ping is Chinese). My main reason for wanting to move to Sydney was my mum, but she is gone now. It feels like any reasons we had for moving to Sydney are being taken away. Also Tim's allergies flared up as they often do when we visit Sydney - I drove all the way home because his eyes were sore. We are feeling a bit adrift about where we want to spent the next stage of our lives.
Ping and I went to bed early, leaving the boys up to chat. But my father-in-law Des is so loud! I could hear every single word loud and clear. He gets very excited about politics and basically shouts at people even when he is agreeing with them. I wandered out sometime after midnight, when I'd been trying to sleep for a couple of hours, and hinted (with facial expression, I didn't need to say anything) that it was time to end the discussion. Even with Des gone home it was a horribly restless night on that uncomfortable bed that I have ranted about before. We are going to buy a foam mattress to put on top next time, we can just leave it there. It was Ping's parents who chose the concrete slab. All the beds in China were the same when we visited.
And no CPAP. I know I said even travel wouldn't stop me using it, but there is just nowhere to plug it in where I sleep. My fitbit stats show I got some good solid sleep in between 2 and 4 am, so that is something!
Today the diet started off a bit rocky. I was expecting Ping's usual offering of bacon, eggs, fruit, crumpets and cereal, as a buffet - lots of choice and easy to fit into my diet. But today she decided to make French toast for everyone, made with soft white bread so basically pure sweet carbohydrate. My children both tasted and rejected it and I didn't feel that I could. Her toddler was screaming, she was stressed, I wasn't going to ask her to find something else for me or insult her by offering to cook something myself. I know that my health is just as important as not hurting her feelings but sometimes that's a choice you make under the circumstances. I only had one slice.
I tried to get the day back on track and stick as close to my rules as possible, and the rest of the day was fine (high carb day).
Water was a big fail yesterday. I don't like to drink much on car trips because finding a rest stop every 20 minutes is inconvenient and sometimes impossible. I tried to make up for it a bit later but not so much I was running to the bathroom so I didn't catch up very much. Dry sore throat all night. I used to drink that much or less all the time and never felt thirsty! But now my body is used to getting more. Today again very little before/during driving home, worked on catching up when safe in my
own house. Ten glasses, so I should be rehydrated.
I have no idea what the scale will say tomorrow.
Report card:
Diet: Good. I'm happy with how I stuck to my plan, but I think I could do better, maybe taking along snacks next time.
Exercise: Poor. It was a busy weekend, but I made no effort whatsoever to fit in exercise.
Water: Poor yesterday, good today.
Sleep: Terrible.
Mental health: Good. It was mostly a nice weekend.
I'm home! It was a challenging weekend in terms of diet. I think I did ok.
We had McDonalds for lunch on the way to Sydney yesterday. Six nuggets and medium fries. We went to my brother's house for afternoon tea, the main reason for going to Sydney this particular weekend was to get some paperwork regarding mum's estate done. As usual, Darren was annoyingly pedantic (he has obsessive compulsive disorder) but we got it done. We took cake because it was his birthday three weeks ago, I had about three bites of mud cake and a cup of tea.
The weather was closing in fast so we left a bit earlier than we had planned, trying to get to my brother-in-law's house before the storm. But about ten minutes after we left the hail hit! We were stuck on the motorway. Everyone drove very slowly and carefully, the hail was like snow all over the road but at least the individual pieces were only marble-size or smaller so the car didn't seem in danger. We got through it ok. The kids thought it was great fun!
I avoided most of the pre-dinner food, then enjoyed my dinner and dessert and had nothing afterwards. It certainly wasn't an ideal food day, even for a so-called "free day" but kept the eating relatively restrained and I think it compared well to other weekend trips.
During the evening chat with family, my father-in-law mentioned he is planning on moving away from Sydney now that he is wrapping up his business. We already knew that my brother-in-law Nick and his wife are likely to go and live in China for a while soon (Ping is Chinese). My main reason for wanting to move to Sydney was my mum, but she is gone now. It feels like any reasons we had for moving to Sydney are being taken away. Also Tim's allergies flared up as they often do when we visit Sydney - I drove all the way home because his eyes were sore. We are feeling a bit adrift about where we want to spent the next stage of our lives.
Ping and I went to bed early, leaving the boys up to chat. But my father-in-law Des is so loud! I could hear every single word loud and clear. He gets very excited about politics and basically shouts at people even when he is agreeing with them. I wandered out sometime after midnight, when I'd been trying to sleep for a couple of hours, and hinted (with facial expression, I didn't need to say anything) that it was time to end the discussion. Even with Des gone home it was a horribly restless night on that uncomfortable bed that I have ranted about before. We are going to buy a foam mattress to put on top next time, we can just leave it there. It was Ping's parents who chose the concrete slab. All the beds in China were the same when we visited.
And no CPAP. I know I said even travel wouldn't stop me using it, but there is just nowhere to plug it in where I sleep. My fitbit stats show I got some good solid sleep in between 2 and 4 am, so that is something!
Today the diet started off a bit rocky. I was expecting Ping's usual offering of bacon, eggs, fruit, crumpets and cereal, as a buffet - lots of choice and easy to fit into my diet. But today she decided to make French toast for everyone, made with soft white bread so basically pure sweet carbohydrate. My children both tasted and rejected it and I didn't feel that I could. Her toddler was screaming, she was stressed, I wasn't going to ask her to find something else for me or insult her by offering to cook something myself. I know that my health is just as important as not hurting her feelings but sometimes that's a choice you make under the circumstances. I only had one slice.
I tried to get the day back on track and stick as close to my rules as possible, and the rest of the day was fine (high carb day).
Water was a big fail yesterday. I don't like to drink much on car trips because finding a rest stop every 20 minutes is inconvenient and sometimes impossible. I tried to make up for it a bit later but not so much I was running to the bathroom so I didn't catch up very much. Dry sore throat all night. I used to drink that much or less all the time and never felt thirsty! But now my body is used to getting more. Today again very little before/during driving home, worked on catching up when safe in my
own house. Ten glasses, so I should be rehydrated.
I have no idea what the scale will say tomorrow.
Report card:
Diet: Good. I'm happy with how I stuck to my plan, but I think I could do better, maybe taking along snacks next time.
Exercise: Poor. It was a busy weekend, but I made no effort whatsoever to fit in exercise.
Water: Poor yesterday, good today.
Sleep: Terrible.
Mental health: Good. It was mostly a nice weekend.
Friday, April 24, 2015
Bumpy day
Friday:
There is a fun run coming up on Mother's Day that is raising funds for breast cancer research, so there are ads on TV and conversations on my Facebook feed about it. Every time I see the pink ribbon or a pink Tshirt I am reminded that my mother just died of breast cancer three months ago. I am definitely not ready to be involved in something like this, and I also really wish I didn't have to see it and be reminded all day long. I think about my mum often anyway, usually something like "I need to tell mum that, oh I can't" and feel sad but not too horrible. For some reason all this media about breast cancer hits me much worse. Maybe because they are talking about trying to save people but they couldn't save my mum. Even if they find a cure it will be for other people, too late for mum. It's like a punch in the stomach every single time.
Of course I want them to find a cure for other people, and who knows maybe me and my daughter one day, but I just can't deal with it right now.
I also have stuff about mum's estate still going on - nothing bad, it just takes so long! Seeing my brother tomorrow about it and had an email from the probate lawyer today. It's all normal but it means I can't put that financial side behind me, it's not over yet, it feels like it will never be over. Filling in endless forms and getting photocopies certified and discussions with the executor and this is all for a fairly straightforward uncontested Will. I just want to put it behind me. To be able to think about my mother without the taint of money hassles or the slap of remembering how she died.
I had one of my more restless nights so I am feeling tired today. It is very grey and cold. We spent the morning shopping - shoes for Aiden and myself (walking shoes for me), winter clothes for Jasmine - then grocery shopping. The kids got hungry and I am trying to cut down on holiday junk food, especially with the less-controlled weekend coming up, so we went to the fruit shop and bought some grapes for them. I didn't have any, no fruit on a low carb day allowed after breakfast. I knew I would be ok until lunch time, a stir-fry I made at home.
Eating normal amounts of healthy food can feel strange sometimes. I will finish a meal feeling no longer hungry, but not exactly full either. It is vaguely unsatisfying, I suppose because it is not what I am used to! Last night I had a big serve of really delicious casserole and I must admit I do like that full feeling. I knew about three quarters of the way through my plate that it was time to stop, but I didn't. So warm and cosy and filling. I think winter is going to be tough, but as long as I make sure I am eating lots of vegetables I should be ok. I am definitely more hungry today, not sure if it's the cold or if it's because I'm on second low carb day in a row.
Bit of confusion tonight. Jasmine had been invited to a sleepover which she thought was in two weeks, because that is when her friend's birthday is. But I got a text from the mother after dinner asking if Jas was coming... tonight! That is what happens when you let eleven-year-olds email back and forth to arrange something! So Jas had already had dinner and also we'll have to pick her up early tomorrow, but the girls still wanted to do it so Tim is driving her over now. It's not that close either, 20 minutes, because the friend has recently moved away from our suburb, so she'll be getting there close to her usual bedtime and leaving at breakfast! I suppose they'll still have all night to giggle in.
For various reasons I am really struggling with cravings tonight. Being strong so far, but not as confident as I have been this week about staying clean. Chocolate is calling me. I have made the firm decision "no" but the desire keeps coming back. I just have to hold out until tomorrow. Maybe I could stay up until midnight then it will be my treat day.
Report card:
Diet: Good. Maybe great. It's hard to believe it was great, today, the way I feel right now.
Exercise: Poor.
Water: Good.
Sleep: Good compliance, poor sleep.
Mental health: Poor.
Edit: about three seconds after posting this I went and stuffed myself with chocolate. And instantly felt a bit better emotionally, as well as physically feeling a bit sick. Well, it happens. This is not a diet fail. I am putting that behind me and moving on.
There is a fun run coming up on Mother's Day that is raising funds for breast cancer research, so there are ads on TV and conversations on my Facebook feed about it. Every time I see the pink ribbon or a pink Tshirt I am reminded that my mother just died of breast cancer three months ago. I am definitely not ready to be involved in something like this, and I also really wish I didn't have to see it and be reminded all day long. I think about my mum often anyway, usually something like "I need to tell mum that, oh I can't" and feel sad but not too horrible. For some reason all this media about breast cancer hits me much worse. Maybe because they are talking about trying to save people but they couldn't save my mum. Even if they find a cure it will be for other people, too late for mum. It's like a punch in the stomach every single time.
Of course I want them to find a cure for other people, and who knows maybe me and my daughter one day, but I just can't deal with it right now.
I also have stuff about mum's estate still going on - nothing bad, it just takes so long! Seeing my brother tomorrow about it and had an email from the probate lawyer today. It's all normal but it means I can't put that financial side behind me, it's not over yet, it feels like it will never be over. Filling in endless forms and getting photocopies certified and discussions with the executor and this is all for a fairly straightforward uncontested Will. I just want to put it behind me. To be able to think about my mother without the taint of money hassles or the slap of remembering how she died.
I had one of my more restless nights so I am feeling tired today. It is very grey and cold. We spent the morning shopping - shoes for Aiden and myself (walking shoes for me), winter clothes for Jasmine - then grocery shopping. The kids got hungry and I am trying to cut down on holiday junk food, especially with the less-controlled weekend coming up, so we went to the fruit shop and bought some grapes for them. I didn't have any, no fruit on a low carb day allowed after breakfast. I knew I would be ok until lunch time, a stir-fry I made at home.
Eating normal amounts of healthy food can feel strange sometimes. I will finish a meal feeling no longer hungry, but not exactly full either. It is vaguely unsatisfying, I suppose because it is not what I am used to! Last night I had a big serve of really delicious casserole and I must admit I do like that full feeling. I knew about three quarters of the way through my plate that it was time to stop, but I didn't. So warm and cosy and filling. I think winter is going to be tough, but as long as I make sure I am eating lots of vegetables I should be ok. I am definitely more hungry today, not sure if it's the cold or if it's because I'm on second low carb day in a row.
Bit of confusion tonight. Jasmine had been invited to a sleepover which she thought was in two weeks, because that is when her friend's birthday is. But I got a text from the mother after dinner asking if Jas was coming... tonight! That is what happens when you let eleven-year-olds email back and forth to arrange something! So Jas had already had dinner and also we'll have to pick her up early tomorrow, but the girls still wanted to do it so Tim is driving her over now. It's not that close either, 20 minutes, because the friend has recently moved away from our suburb, so she'll be getting there close to her usual bedtime and leaving at breakfast! I suppose they'll still have all night to giggle in.
For various reasons I am really struggling with cravings tonight. Being strong so far, but not as confident as I have been this week about staying clean. Chocolate is calling me. I have made the firm decision "no" but the desire keeps coming back. I just have to hold out until tomorrow. Maybe I could stay up until midnight then it will be my treat day.
Report card:
Diet: Good. Maybe great. It's hard to believe it was great, today, the way I feel right now.
Exercise: Poor.
Water: Good.
Sleep: Good compliance, poor sleep.
Mental health: Poor.
Edit: about three seconds after posting this I went and stuffed myself with chocolate. And instantly felt a bit better emotionally, as well as physically feeling a bit sick. Well, it happens. This is not a diet fail. I am putting that behind me and moving on.
Thursday, April 23, 2015
Painting miniatures and planning ahead
Thursday CC#4:
I managed about 22 minutes of dance this morning, after breakfast today. Very sweaty. I admit I am a little surprised at just how much more energetic it is than Fantasia. I mean, I knew it was, but not how much. I suppose Fantasia is about as energetic as a brisk walk, but using arms instead of legs. Dancing uses the whole body as is probably twice as exhausting as a result. My heart-rate got up to 130. The other possibility is that reduced carbs (even high carbs days are pretty low carb compared to government guidelines) are reducing my energy levels. That is ok if true, I'll adapt.
The kids and I bought more paints for the Warhammer figurines yesterday and the owner/guy-who-works-there (who reminds me of Stuart the comic book owner from Big Bang Theory) offered a painting lesson so we went back today. I was never interested in Warhammer which is a table-top war game with little armies, but I did like paining the miniatures which we also used for Dungeons and Dragons. I did quite a lot before we had kids and I think I was quite good at it. But now there were four or five different kinds of paint instead of one! So I listened when Matt talked and took along a little horse to practice on. For example there is a runny ink-like paint to do shading, we used to just water down the normal paint for that. I have an elaborate figurine of a princess on a unicorn that I never got around to painting 12 years ago so I'm doing that at home. The kids are very excited about painting, and that became the afternoon activity at home after the lesson. Aiden has a fairly relaxed casual attitude to keeping paint on the designated areas, but Jasmine's are amazingly good for a first try. Or even not for a first try!
Last night I realised I was at 8,500 steps for the day. Within reach! I was watching my favourite TV show but I got up every ad. break and walked the loungeroom/kitchen loop over and over. At bedtime I finished the final 150 steps up and down the hall before I got into bed. So I am quite proud of that. Unfortunately today I'm still under 5,000. This morning it was lovely and sunny while we were in the shop painting, but by afternoon it was dark and raining again and we missed the window for a walk.
We have a trip to Sydney this weekend. Usually that means fast food on the way there, unhealthy afternoon tea, dinner with family, breakfast with family, fast food on the way home. Too much! Saturday is my treat day, which helps, but I'm not bingeing all weekend and undoing my good work when I am finally seeing some progress (1.5 kg in three days, goodbye water weight!)! So what do I need to change? Well, dinner and breakfast with brother-and-sister-in-law is fine. I don't know what they will cook but generally it is real food. Last time, frozen lasagne, was unusual. Often it will be a roast, or BBQ and salad. Easy to eat reasonably. I need to rein back snacking though, they often have chips and stuff out.
The main thing I need to change is fast food in both directions. It's not even as if I like McDonald's! Yuck! But there is so little choice on the long drive. It is basically McD or the worst KFC in Australia. We try it out of desperation once every two years or so, hoping they will have new fryers or new cooks or something, but no. Chicken so greasy the coating just slides off into the box and horrible floury chips. I generally love fried chicken, it is my fast food of choice, but not this inedible naked slimy stuff.
I have in the past sometimes prepared a picnic for the trip there. But we have had some bad weather lately, atrocious in Sydney, and there are more storms forecast. And cold through the mountains! I suppose we could sit in the car, but I don't know if cold picnic food in the car will go down with the family on a freezing stormy day. McDonald's will probably even look good to me, as long as it is warm! And we can't really time the trip to avoid lunch. Maybe my treat day will just have to include fast food. Bummer. Such a waste of calories. I was really looking forward to the cheesy nachos I was going to make! Oh well, next Saturday instead.
The way home I think we can manage to have lunch before we leave Sydney, either with family or at a proper restaurant. So Sunday should be ok if I am careful. I think I can manage the weekend without too big a dent in my plan. I just have to be mindful about it instead of throwing moderation to the winds.
I finished re-reading the Carb Cycling book. There are a few rules that I'd forgotten that I am not going to follow - like take digestive enzymes before meals and other vitamins (a good diet should have all important nutrients anyway), not put milk in my tea (because milk is both fat and carb and you're not supposed to have both at the same time, but honestly I just put in a splash and I don't care), and do his particular exercise routine. But I am following the diet pretty closely and feeling fine. No cravings or hunger.
Report card:
Diet: Good. Day four (low carb day) accomplished.
Exercise: Good. Less than half an hour, but it was reasonably intense. But too much sitting the rest of the day.
Water: Good.
Sleep: Good.
Mental health: Good.
Another solid day.
I managed about 22 minutes of dance this morning, after breakfast today. Very sweaty. I admit I am a little surprised at just how much more energetic it is than Fantasia. I mean, I knew it was, but not how much. I suppose Fantasia is about as energetic as a brisk walk, but using arms instead of legs. Dancing uses the whole body as is probably twice as exhausting as a result. My heart-rate got up to 130. The other possibility is that reduced carbs (even high carbs days are pretty low carb compared to government guidelines) are reducing my energy levels. That is ok if true, I'll adapt.
The kids and I bought more paints for the Warhammer figurines yesterday and the owner/guy-who-works-there (who reminds me of Stuart the comic book owner from Big Bang Theory) offered a painting lesson so we went back today. I was never interested in Warhammer which is a table-top war game with little armies, but I did like paining the miniatures which we also used for Dungeons and Dragons. I did quite a lot before we had kids and I think I was quite good at it. But now there were four or five different kinds of paint instead of one! So I listened when Matt talked and took along a little horse to practice on. For example there is a runny ink-like paint to do shading, we used to just water down the normal paint for that. I have an elaborate figurine of a princess on a unicorn that I never got around to painting 12 years ago so I'm doing that at home. The kids are very excited about painting, and that became the afternoon activity at home after the lesson. Aiden has a fairly relaxed casual attitude to keeping paint on the designated areas, but Jasmine's are amazingly good for a first try. Or even not for a first try!
Last night I realised I was at 8,500 steps for the day. Within reach! I was watching my favourite TV show but I got up every ad. break and walked the loungeroom/kitchen loop over and over. At bedtime I finished the final 150 steps up and down the hall before I got into bed. So I am quite proud of that. Unfortunately today I'm still under 5,000. This morning it was lovely and sunny while we were in the shop painting, but by afternoon it was dark and raining again and we missed the window for a walk.
We have a trip to Sydney this weekend. Usually that means fast food on the way there, unhealthy afternoon tea, dinner with family, breakfast with family, fast food on the way home. Too much! Saturday is my treat day, which helps, but I'm not bingeing all weekend and undoing my good work when I am finally seeing some progress (1.5 kg in three days, goodbye water weight!)! So what do I need to change? Well, dinner and breakfast with brother-and-sister-in-law is fine. I don't know what they will cook but generally it is real food. Last time, frozen lasagne, was unusual. Often it will be a roast, or BBQ and salad. Easy to eat reasonably. I need to rein back snacking though, they often have chips and stuff out.
The main thing I need to change is fast food in both directions. It's not even as if I like McDonald's! Yuck! But there is so little choice on the long drive. It is basically McD or the worst KFC in Australia. We try it out of desperation once every two years or so, hoping they will have new fryers or new cooks or something, but no. Chicken so greasy the coating just slides off into the box and horrible floury chips. I generally love fried chicken, it is my fast food of choice, but not this inedible naked slimy stuff.
I have in the past sometimes prepared a picnic for the trip there. But we have had some bad weather lately, atrocious in Sydney, and there are more storms forecast. And cold through the mountains! I suppose we could sit in the car, but I don't know if cold picnic food in the car will go down with the family on a freezing stormy day. McDonald's will probably even look good to me, as long as it is warm! And we can't really time the trip to avoid lunch. Maybe my treat day will just have to include fast food. Bummer. Such a waste of calories. I was really looking forward to the cheesy nachos I was going to make! Oh well, next Saturday instead.
The way home I think we can manage to have lunch before we leave Sydney, either with family or at a proper restaurant. So Sunday should be ok if I am careful. I think I can manage the weekend without too big a dent in my plan. I just have to be mindful about it instead of throwing moderation to the winds.
I finished re-reading the Carb Cycling book. There are a few rules that I'd forgotten that I am not going to follow - like take digestive enzymes before meals and other vitamins (a good diet should have all important nutrients anyway), not put milk in my tea (because milk is both fat and carb and you're not supposed to have both at the same time, but honestly I just put in a splash and I don't care), and do his particular exercise routine. But I am following the diet pretty closely and feeling fine. No cravings or hunger.
Report card:
Diet: Good. Day four (low carb day) accomplished.
Exercise: Good. Less than half an hour, but it was reasonably intense. But too much sitting the rest of the day.
Water: Good.
Sleep: Good.
Mental health: Good.
Another solid day.
Wednesday, April 22, 2015
House hunting and fire alarm
Wednesday:
I was a bit foolish yesterday. I went browsing for houses online even though we're not ready to buy. And of course I found the most perfect house ever in a lovely location and in our budget. Of course it might not be exactly like the photos, I've been fooled before (looking at you, castle house!). And it's not even in Sydney. Lol. I was looking where we often go for holidays in a smallish seaside town. We were there just after mum died, so there are some photos on my blog from January. So, lets see, we could stay in Canberra where Tim's job is, or we could move to Sydney where family is, or we could just ditch both and live near the sea! With no job. Living off savings indefinitely. And we'd have to sell this house first or organise a tricky loan - tricky because the bank expects Tim to have an income before they'll give us money. So the dream house would be gone by then anyway. Who wouldn't want to buy it? Oh well, I can look at the pictures and torture myself if I want to, can't I?
I did some exercise first thing this morning, before even breakfast, to make sure it got done. About 25 minutes dance. Very hot and sweaty, which is good, but it did make my shoulder ache, probably being completely un-warmed didn't help. (I warmed up as part of the dance routine, but that wasn't really enough straight out of bed.)
My left shoulder has been troubling me for some time. I hurt it somehow 3 or 4 years ago, I tore the tendon completely off the shoulder attachment. Very painful. I rested it and wore a sling for a while to let it heal. It is a lot better than it was then, but it still hurts a bit, a lot of the time. It aches if I lift my arm over my head for any length of time, it wakes me up if I sleep in the wrong position, I can't reach behind my back to do up my bra. Too much exercise or too much computer use hurts it. I struggle to put on a jacket or backpack because that involves rotating the shoulder - I have to do that sleeve/strap first or I can't put it on at all. It impacts on my life quite a lot. I've just put up with it assuming it would get better eventually, putting off investigating further. But shouldn't it be all healed up after several years? I've booked in to see my doctor and maybe get another ultrasound on it to see what is going on. I'm suddenly dumbfounded I've let it go on so long.
Edit: I looked back through my posts and I found the first mention of pain in my left shoulder on 5 September 2010, saying it had been hurting for a couple of months. Four and a half years.
I spent the morning booking appointments. The doctor for me, dentist for the kids, carpet clean, eye test. I have a list of 12 things ticked off! The calendar is pretty full for the next two weeks, something nearly every day. But still plenty of time to go to the gym in between, once the kids are back at school. I successfully put my gym membership on hold for one of the two weeks of the holidays (need a medical cert for more than one week any 3 month period). It is their fault for not having crèche in the holidays.
In the afternoon we went back to the indoor playground at the airport because the kids loved it last week. Invited along another family but they didn't end up coming. We paid our money and the kids took off their shoes and I literally hadn't sat down yet and the fire alarm went off. We were ushered outside (that was pretty funny, actually, the staff member got on the PA and rambled on for ages about she hoped we were enjoying our play before mentioning that we had to evacuate the building). Everyone in the whole shopping complex was out in the car park. Two fire engines came, and burly men in uniform. But they couldn't find any fire so after about 20 minutes we were let back in. Luckily the weather wasn't too bad today. There was no way I was leaving unless there was a real fire after paying $30 and getting nothing for it!
I got Chris Powell's carb cycling book from the library today and I'm refreshing myself with the rules. The website doesn't have very detailed information. But I'm happy with my first three days. High carb day today - which meant about 100 grams of carbs instead of about 50! Still not very much, but enough for me. One serve with each meal and snack (like one slice of bread, or an apple). About 100 more calories today than yesterday, which is fine.
Report card:
Diet: Great. (I'll get a fantastic when I eat more vegetables!)
Exercise: Good.
Water: Good.
Sleep: Good.
Mental health: Good.
Not a fantastic day, but nicely consistent across the board.
I was a bit foolish yesterday. I went browsing for houses online even though we're not ready to buy. And of course I found the most perfect house ever in a lovely location and in our budget. Of course it might not be exactly like the photos, I've been fooled before (looking at you, castle house!). And it's not even in Sydney. Lol. I was looking where we often go for holidays in a smallish seaside town. We were there just after mum died, so there are some photos on my blog from January. So, lets see, we could stay in Canberra where Tim's job is, or we could move to Sydney where family is, or we could just ditch both and live near the sea! With no job. Living off savings indefinitely. And we'd have to sell this house first or organise a tricky loan - tricky because the bank expects Tim to have an income before they'll give us money. So the dream house would be gone by then anyway. Who wouldn't want to buy it? Oh well, I can look at the pictures and torture myself if I want to, can't I?
I did some exercise first thing this morning, before even breakfast, to make sure it got done. About 25 minutes dance. Very hot and sweaty, which is good, but it did make my shoulder ache, probably being completely un-warmed didn't help. (I warmed up as part of the dance routine, but that wasn't really enough straight out of bed.)
My left shoulder has been troubling me for some time. I hurt it somehow 3 or 4 years ago, I tore the tendon completely off the shoulder attachment. Very painful. I rested it and wore a sling for a while to let it heal. It is a lot better than it was then, but it still hurts a bit, a lot of the time. It aches if I lift my arm over my head for any length of time, it wakes me up if I sleep in the wrong position, I can't reach behind my back to do up my bra. Too much exercise or too much computer use hurts it. I struggle to put on a jacket or backpack because that involves rotating the shoulder - I have to do that sleeve/strap first or I can't put it on at all. It impacts on my life quite a lot. I've just put up with it assuming it would get better eventually, putting off investigating further. But shouldn't it be all healed up after several years? I've booked in to see my doctor and maybe get another ultrasound on it to see what is going on. I'm suddenly dumbfounded I've let it go on so long.
Edit: I looked back through my posts and I found the first mention of pain in my left shoulder on 5 September 2010, saying it had been hurting for a couple of months. Four and a half years.
I spent the morning booking appointments. The doctor for me, dentist for the kids, carpet clean, eye test. I have a list of 12 things ticked off! The calendar is pretty full for the next two weeks, something nearly every day. But still plenty of time to go to the gym in between, once the kids are back at school. I successfully put my gym membership on hold for one of the two weeks of the holidays (need a medical cert for more than one week any 3 month period). It is their fault for not having crèche in the holidays.
In the afternoon we went back to the indoor playground at the airport because the kids loved it last week. Invited along another family but they didn't end up coming. We paid our money and the kids took off their shoes and I literally hadn't sat down yet and the fire alarm went off. We were ushered outside (that was pretty funny, actually, the staff member got on the PA and rambled on for ages about she hoped we were enjoying our play before mentioning that we had to evacuate the building). Everyone in the whole shopping complex was out in the car park. Two fire engines came, and burly men in uniform. But they couldn't find any fire so after about 20 minutes we were let back in. Luckily the weather wasn't too bad today. There was no way I was leaving unless there was a real fire after paying $30 and getting nothing for it!
I got Chris Powell's carb cycling book from the library today and I'm refreshing myself with the rules. The website doesn't have very detailed information. But I'm happy with my first three days. High carb day today - which meant about 100 grams of carbs instead of about 50! Still not very much, but enough for me. One serve with each meal and snack (like one slice of bread, or an apple). About 100 more calories today than yesterday, which is fine.
Report card:
Diet: Great. (I'll get a fantastic when I eat more vegetables!)
Exercise: Good.
Water: Good.
Sleep: Good.
Mental health: Good.
Not a fantastic day, but nicely consistent across the board.
Tuesday, April 21, 2015
Stormy weather
Tuesday:
My dad was supposed to be visiting this week but can't because he's sick, and has been for weeks. Not sure exactly what with, he had some tests done yesterday. I'm trying not to worry too much. My dad lives quite a long way away and he usually visits every school holidays for a few days. We hardly ever go to him, it's tricky with Tim's work and too far for a weekend visit. He's got his girlfriend there looking after him (my parents divorced when I was six, and dad's second marriage ended years ago), but his health hasn't been good for a few years now. I always thought he'd die before mum, but he's held on through heart bypass and diabetes and who knows what else. He brings a box full of medication when he visits, and washes the pills down with wine. It's hard not to worry.
The kids and I had a busy morning, visiting the library and various shops. It is really windy outside, some trees down here but much worse on the coast. In Sydney it is complete chaos with major storms and three people have died and houses have been washed away. Here last night the wind was raging outside. Even today, it is a lot calmer but not pleasant. Not a day to spend outside, we hurried from place to place. The kids spent the afternoon anti-tidying the interior of the house. I did some deskwork and huddled in my jumper.
I made things difficult for myself with water intake today. I had a cup of tea with breakfast and then we were out all morning. At lunchtime I still had a whole day's drinking to go. But I just kept refilling my glass over and over and right now (just after dinner) I've had seven cups of water, three cups of tea, and a bowl of soup. Not bad! I'll easily have another glass of water before bed. That's pretty much what I did all afternoon; drank, and wore a path in the carpet back and forth to the bathroom.
I realised this afternoon that I wasn't feeling miserable. Isn't that nice! I've had a few hard days lately, but I feel good today.
I just recorded my food for the day all at once on fitbit, and it told me I'd gone over by several hundred calories. I was dumbfounded, I thought I'd done really well. I checked down the list and there it was right at the bottom; 250 grams of zucchini (I made zoodles to have with bolognaise instead of spaghetti) - over 500 calories!! Are you kidding me? There is no way zucchini has 2 calories a gram, more than most meats. I had chosen the first entry, just "zucchini" with no modifiers. I went back and changed it to "zucchini - raw" (I had weighed it raw) and it told me 250 grams of raw zucchini was 25 calories. That is more like it! 536 vs 25 for the same thing. So what on earth was the other type of zucchini? Marinated in duck fat?
Report card:
Diet: Great. Second low carb day achieved. High carb/low fat day tomorrow. I'm interested to see how that affects my hunger levels.
Exercise: Poor. Didn't do any. Around 6,000 steps going about my day.
Water: Excellent.
Sleep. Good compliance. It was bad night's sleep turn, though. I would love to start getting more than six or seven hours a night, and for the good night to be more than every second one.
Mental health: Good.
My dad was supposed to be visiting this week but can't because he's sick, and has been for weeks. Not sure exactly what with, he had some tests done yesterday. I'm trying not to worry too much. My dad lives quite a long way away and he usually visits every school holidays for a few days. We hardly ever go to him, it's tricky with Tim's work and too far for a weekend visit. He's got his girlfriend there looking after him (my parents divorced when I was six, and dad's second marriage ended years ago), but his health hasn't been good for a few years now. I always thought he'd die before mum, but he's held on through heart bypass and diabetes and who knows what else. He brings a box full of medication when he visits, and washes the pills down with wine. It's hard not to worry.
The kids and I had a busy morning, visiting the library and various shops. It is really windy outside, some trees down here but much worse on the coast. In Sydney it is complete chaos with major storms and three people have died and houses have been washed away. Here last night the wind was raging outside. Even today, it is a lot calmer but not pleasant. Not a day to spend outside, we hurried from place to place. The kids spent the afternoon anti-tidying the interior of the house. I did some deskwork and huddled in my jumper.
I made things difficult for myself with water intake today. I had a cup of tea with breakfast and then we were out all morning. At lunchtime I still had a whole day's drinking to go. But I just kept refilling my glass over and over and right now (just after dinner) I've had seven cups of water, three cups of tea, and a bowl of soup. Not bad! I'll easily have another glass of water before bed. That's pretty much what I did all afternoon; drank, and wore a path in the carpet back and forth to the bathroom.
I realised this afternoon that I wasn't feeling miserable. Isn't that nice! I've had a few hard days lately, but I feel good today.
I just recorded my food for the day all at once on fitbit, and it told me I'd gone over by several hundred calories. I was dumbfounded, I thought I'd done really well. I checked down the list and there it was right at the bottom; 250 grams of zucchini (I made zoodles to have with bolognaise instead of spaghetti) - over 500 calories!! Are you kidding me? There is no way zucchini has 2 calories a gram, more than most meats. I had chosen the first entry, just "zucchini" with no modifiers. I went back and changed it to "zucchini - raw" (I had weighed it raw) and it told me 250 grams of raw zucchini was 25 calories. That is more like it! 536 vs 25 for the same thing. So what on earth was the other type of zucchini? Marinated in duck fat?
Report card:
Diet: Great. Second low carb day achieved. High carb/low fat day tomorrow. I'm interested to see how that affects my hunger levels.
Exercise: Poor. Didn't do any. Around 6,000 steps going about my day.
Water: Excellent.
Sleep. Good compliance. It was bad night's sleep turn, though. I would love to start getting more than six or seven hours a night, and for the good night to be more than every second one.
Mental health: Good.
Monday, April 20, 2015
Trying again
Monday:
Ah, Monday. Another new week with a clean slate and no mistakes yet.
I think it's a good idea to tackle one health aspect at a time. But I need to start on diet, right now. My weight is not just back to where it started (again), it is up and over. All the other health aspects support weight loss but diet is the one that has the real effect. And I am too unhappy at this weight to continue leaving it until I get other things under control.
It's school holidays with kids home, my dad is probably visiting this week, we have to visit Sydney soon, yeah there is no such thing as a perfect time to start. It is always hard. I have to do it anyway.
I feel a bit paralysed, partly because every single diet plan contradicts every other one, which makes choosing hard. I like some guidelines and structure, so just counting calories isn't enough for me I think, but not too prescriptive about exactly what to eat each meal or cutting out whole food groups. Low carb makes me lose weight, but also messes with my brain. I ended up choosing carb cycling. It was that or stay frozen in indecision forever.
But the real problem is not so much that, it is fear of failure. Again. I dread the thought of making a promise to myself, in front of you all as witnesses, to commit to something and then in a week, or two days, or maybe by the end of today breaking that promise and failing again. So this is what I am going to do. A little promise. Not a weak promise, but a short time-period promise.
Two weeks, or rather a little over two weeks. My next dietbet weigh in is 6 May, the Wednesday, with a 48 hour window. Until I officially weigh in for month three, I will stick to carb cycling. It is only 16 days. I am not expecting to win this month's stage of my dietbet. I doubt I can lose more than 6 kg by then! That is not my goal. I am not in total control of how much weight I lose, anyway. But I can 100% control what I put in my mouth.
If you haven't heard of carb cycling it alternates low carb days with high carb days ("high carb" is a bit of a misnomer, more like moderate carb days). Every day you have some carbs at breakfast, but the rest of the day (eating five times over the day) is either low carb/high fat or high carb/low fat. And protein with every meal and snack. I'll be doing the turbo cycle which is L/L/H/L/L/H/freeday. The idea is that you get the benefit of eating low carb but without the depression and lack of energy that comes with it, because you still have some at breakfast and every third day. And a free day once a week so you don't feel deprived. I tried it once before but gave up after a couple of weeks when I wasn't getting the results I wanted. But I think I was a bit too free on my free day. In any case, I am giving it another try. If I'm not happy with it after 16 days, I will chose something else, but I'm giving it a fair trial. That is my commitment to myself.
I've been noticing my body's response to various breakfasts. On a few days I've had just bacon (and a cup of tea), two rashers, nothing else. And I'm not hungry until lunchtime and could even consider having lunch later than the dot of 12. On days when I have mainly carbs, like oatmeal or toast, I feel full for a little while and then hungry. Two hours after breakfast I want to raid the kitchen for whatever I can find. Definitely need a morning snack. It makes such a difference. Yet I don't think bacon every day is a healthy lifestyle. And is it the protein that is filling me up or the carbs that are making me crave? Today I had one bacon rasher, one egg, plus one toast. And I was easily full until lunchtime. So I can have that slice of toast as long as I have plenty of protein with it. Which fits well with carb cycling, luckily.
Tim took the car today because it was stormy (with a wind warning) and I didn't want him to ride, so the kids and I were stuck at home. They did some painting, I did some Fantasia in a lacklustre sort of way, I let the kids watch a movie on Foxtel. It certainly has come in handy these cold rainy holidays! Foxtel and homemade popcorn.
I've been wearing a fleecy vest for a couple of weeks now, but today for the first time I put a jumper on. Even with the heating on, it's not very warm in here. The vest had the benefit of a high collar - I can't wait for my hair to grow long enough to keep my neck warm! Chilly. At the moment I need either a high collar or a scarf.
Report card:
Diet: Good. I stuck to the plan, but ended up having more calories than I think is right, by about 100. No big splurge, but things like nuts and steak added up over the day. Might need to reduce portion sizes a bit.
Exercise: Good. Very tired today even though I had a good night's sleep, really would have preferred to be napping but I sleep-walked through some gentle exercise. I'm ok with that, at least I did it.
Water: Fantastic.
Sleep: Great. Don't know why I'm so sleepy today. Maybe the cold weather?
Mental health: Resigned.
Ah, Monday. Another new week with a clean slate and no mistakes yet.
I think it's a good idea to tackle one health aspect at a time. But I need to start on diet, right now. My weight is not just back to where it started (again), it is up and over. All the other health aspects support weight loss but diet is the one that has the real effect. And I am too unhappy at this weight to continue leaving it until I get other things under control.
It's school holidays with kids home, my dad is probably visiting this week, we have to visit Sydney soon, yeah there is no such thing as a perfect time to start. It is always hard. I have to do it anyway.
I feel a bit paralysed, partly because every single diet plan contradicts every other one, which makes choosing hard. I like some guidelines and structure, so just counting calories isn't enough for me I think, but not too prescriptive about exactly what to eat each meal or cutting out whole food groups. Low carb makes me lose weight, but also messes with my brain. I ended up choosing carb cycling. It was that or stay frozen in indecision forever.
But the real problem is not so much that, it is fear of failure. Again. I dread the thought of making a promise to myself, in front of you all as witnesses, to commit to something and then in a week, or two days, or maybe by the end of today breaking that promise and failing again. So this is what I am going to do. A little promise. Not a weak promise, but a short time-period promise.
Two weeks, or rather a little over two weeks. My next dietbet weigh in is 6 May, the Wednesday, with a 48 hour window. Until I officially weigh in for month three, I will stick to carb cycling. It is only 16 days. I am not expecting to win this month's stage of my dietbet. I doubt I can lose more than 6 kg by then! That is not my goal. I am not in total control of how much weight I lose, anyway. But I can 100% control what I put in my mouth.
If you haven't heard of carb cycling it alternates low carb days with high carb days ("high carb" is a bit of a misnomer, more like moderate carb days). Every day you have some carbs at breakfast, but the rest of the day (eating five times over the day) is either low carb/high fat or high carb/low fat. And protein with every meal and snack. I'll be doing the turbo cycle which is L/L/H/L/L/H/freeday. The idea is that you get the benefit of eating low carb but without the depression and lack of energy that comes with it, because you still have some at breakfast and every third day. And a free day once a week so you don't feel deprived. I tried it once before but gave up after a couple of weeks when I wasn't getting the results I wanted. But I think I was a bit too free on my free day. In any case, I am giving it another try. If I'm not happy with it after 16 days, I will chose something else, but I'm giving it a fair trial. That is my commitment to myself.
I've been noticing my body's response to various breakfasts. On a few days I've had just bacon (and a cup of tea), two rashers, nothing else. And I'm not hungry until lunchtime and could even consider having lunch later than the dot of 12. On days when I have mainly carbs, like oatmeal or toast, I feel full for a little while and then hungry. Two hours after breakfast I want to raid the kitchen for whatever I can find. Definitely need a morning snack. It makes such a difference. Yet I don't think bacon every day is a healthy lifestyle. And is it the protein that is filling me up or the carbs that are making me crave? Today I had one bacon rasher, one egg, plus one toast. And I was easily full until lunchtime. So I can have that slice of toast as long as I have plenty of protein with it. Which fits well with carb cycling, luckily.
Tim took the car today because it was stormy (with a wind warning) and I didn't want him to ride, so the kids and I were stuck at home. They did some painting, I did some Fantasia in a lacklustre sort of way, I let the kids watch a movie on Foxtel. It certainly has come in handy these cold rainy holidays! Foxtel and homemade popcorn.
I've been wearing a fleecy vest for a couple of weeks now, but today for the first time I put a jumper on. Even with the heating on, it's not very warm in here. The vest had the benefit of a high collar - I can't wait for my hair to grow long enough to keep my neck warm! Chilly. At the moment I need either a high collar or a scarf.
Report card:
Diet: Good. I stuck to the plan, but ended up having more calories than I think is right, by about 100. No big splurge, but things like nuts and steak added up over the day. Might need to reduce portion sizes a bit.
Exercise: Good. Very tired today even though I had a good night's sleep, really would have preferred to be napping but I sleep-walked through some gentle exercise. I'm ok with that, at least I did it.
Water: Fantastic.
Sleep: Great. Don't know why I'm so sleepy today. Maybe the cold weather?
Mental health: Resigned.
Sunday, April 19, 2015
Thinking, not honking
Sunday:
Quiet day at home. My daughter was at a sleepover that went to about 5:30 this afternoon so there was only three of us all day. Cold and rainy outside. Nice to be inside. Tim and Aiden spent quite a bit of time building and painting Warhammer figurines.
I was thinking (no, auto-correct, I was not honking) about how to work on mental health, and one way is to return to gratitude blogging. I have a blog where a write about three things that made me happy that day. Apparently being grateful builds some great happy pathways in the brain. I need to return to doing that regularly.
Report card:
Diet: Good.
Exercise: Good. An hour of Xbox games (Fantasia and Just Dance).
Water: Great.
Sleep: Good.
Mental health: Good.
Quiet day at home. My daughter was at a sleepover that went to about 5:30 this afternoon so there was only three of us all day. Cold and rainy outside. Nice to be inside. Tim and Aiden spent quite a bit of time building and painting Warhammer figurines.
I was thinking (no, auto-correct, I was not honking) about how to work on mental health, and one way is to return to gratitude blogging. I have a blog where a write about three things that made me happy that day. Apparently being grateful builds some great happy pathways in the brain. I need to return to doing that regularly.
Report card:
Diet: Good.
Exercise: Good. An hour of Xbox games (Fantasia and Just Dance).
Water: Great.
Sleep: Good.
Mental health: Good.
Saturday, April 18, 2015
High intensity
Saturday:
When I look at my fitbit sleep stats, a good night will look something like this:
II___________________________________III____I
where the upstrokes are restlessness or being awake. A bad night looks more like this:
II_II_I_I____I___I___I_____I____I_IIIIIII___II__I
The difference is really obvious! And I feel it as soon as I wake up. I'm kind of alternating good and bad nights at the moment. Maybe the bad nights are influenced by recent lack of exercise? Well my foot is all better now so I can change that variable.
I did an hour of Fantasia in the morning. I actually felt a bit bored with it today, but I stuck with it. My attention kept wandering and I didn't get great scores. It didn't feel like much of a workout, without the intensity I usually put in. More like just waving my arms around for an hour!
So in the afternoon I tried some Dance Central. But I couldn't get into that either. My body didn't seem tired but my brain was. I was just flopping my body around like a fish in the bottom of a boat, unable to grasp the choreography. After 10 minutes of that I gave up. I wanted something that challenged my body but not my brain. I switched to Fighters Uncaged. This is definitely the most high-intensity Xbox game we have. 90 second bouts of fighting, using arms and legs and elbows and knees and forehead and everything you've got. The game teaches you quite a lot of moves to use at close, medium and far distance (like uppercut when close, kick when further away) but apart from that you just do whatever, no choreography to follow. I was like the Tasmanian Devil from Bugs Bunny cartoon, flailing limbs all over the place. 90 seconds doesn't sound like a lot, does it? I did six bouts over 10 minutes, very short breaks between each one, and that was absolutely all I could do. I was exhausted.
I got a bit annoyed with my fitbit. I checked my heart rate immediately after each bout. After the third I was up to 143 or something, but after that it dropped to about 120 for the rest of the time. I can tell you it didn't feel like my heart rate had dropped! It felt like I was close to passing out. So was the fitbit wrong, or had my heart rate really stabilised like that? It seems unlikely. I made myself walk around the house for several minutes until I felt more normal (but very tired) before I sat down, and then another half an hour before I showered. Far more tired after 10 minutes of high intensity than I ever am after an hour of low or moderate intensity. I'm hoping the dance warmup was enough to stop me getting sore tomorrow.
Report card:
Diet: Good. Still having a bit too much chocolate, but good meals.
Exercise: Great. Over an hour and worked really hard at the end.
Water: Good.
Sleep: Good consistency. Poor quality.
Mental health: Good.
When I look at my fitbit sleep stats, a good night will look something like this:
II___________________________________III____I
where the upstrokes are restlessness or being awake. A bad night looks more like this:
II_II_I_I____I___I___I_____I____I_IIIIIII___II__I
The difference is really obvious! And I feel it as soon as I wake up. I'm kind of alternating good and bad nights at the moment. Maybe the bad nights are influenced by recent lack of exercise? Well my foot is all better now so I can change that variable.
I did an hour of Fantasia in the morning. I actually felt a bit bored with it today, but I stuck with it. My attention kept wandering and I didn't get great scores. It didn't feel like much of a workout, without the intensity I usually put in. More like just waving my arms around for an hour!
So in the afternoon I tried some Dance Central. But I couldn't get into that either. My body didn't seem tired but my brain was. I was just flopping my body around like a fish in the bottom of a boat, unable to grasp the choreography. After 10 minutes of that I gave up. I wanted something that challenged my body but not my brain. I switched to Fighters Uncaged. This is definitely the most high-intensity Xbox game we have. 90 second bouts of fighting, using arms and legs and elbows and knees and forehead and everything you've got. The game teaches you quite a lot of moves to use at close, medium and far distance (like uppercut when close, kick when further away) but apart from that you just do whatever, no choreography to follow. I was like the Tasmanian Devil from Bugs Bunny cartoon, flailing limbs all over the place. 90 seconds doesn't sound like a lot, does it? I did six bouts over 10 minutes, very short breaks between each one, and that was absolutely all I could do. I was exhausted.
I got a bit annoyed with my fitbit. I checked my heart rate immediately after each bout. After the third I was up to 143 or something, but after that it dropped to about 120 for the rest of the time. I can tell you it didn't feel like my heart rate had dropped! It felt like I was close to passing out. So was the fitbit wrong, or had my heart rate really stabilised like that? It seems unlikely. I made myself walk around the house for several minutes until I felt more normal (but very tired) before I sat down, and then another half an hour before I showered. Far more tired after 10 minutes of high intensity than I ever am after an hour of low or moderate intensity. I'm hoping the dance warmup was enough to stop me getting sore tomorrow.
Report card:
Diet: Good. Still having a bit too much chocolate, but good meals.
Exercise: Great. Over an hour and worked really hard at the end.
Water: Good.
Sleep: Good consistency. Poor quality.
Mental health: Good.
Friday, April 17, 2015
Home
Friday:
As I was going to bed last night I realised that I'd made a commitment to myself to drink my water each day, and I hadn't. It was already late because I'd stayed up to watch the finale of Ink Master. I had a choice, I could chug down two more glasses of water but seriously disrupt my sleep - probably getting up four times in the next couple of hours - or not keep my promise to myself. I ended up deciding that sleep was more important. But I'll make sure to drink my water today and in future.
Since my current focus is sleep and then hydration, I am going to try to worry a bit less about actual weight loss right now. That doesn't mean I'm okaying binge eating or not exercising! But if I'm serious that I need to get a handle on one issue at a time, then I need to accept that I might not lose dramatic amounts of weight right now. I might not make many of my dietbet goals (sad face) although I still want to get the overall six month one. But I am a long term project. I will add specific commitments about exercise and food when I feel more confident about sleep and water. One step at a time. It won't take that long. I started to feel pretty good about my routine to use my CPAP after a couple of weeks. Sometimes I don't want to put it on, but I do anyway. I just know I have to, like I have to brush my teeth even if I'm tired. Last night I slept seven hours straight, barely moving a muscle (although I am pretty tired today, still catching up). I only did three days of great water consumption before yesterday's stumble, obviously I'm not set in that routine yet. I need more time to get into that groove. Then I think exercise will be next, hopefully starting a week from Monday when the kids go back to school and I can go to the gym again. All these things make controlling my food intake that little bit easier. Exercise can make me hungry, but also makes me feel strong and virtuous and unwilling to sabotage what I have just achieved. Water diverts those false hunger signals that are really thirst. And sleep means I don't have to reach for food to keep me awake. Dieting is never easy, but I think it's a bit easier when everything else is under control.
Also need to work on stress, of course. Maybe be more regular with my meditations, which I only do about once a week or less now. And have some long talks with my husband about what we want to do about the whole move situation. And fix my novel so I don't see its now-glaring flaws every time I look at it. I always put "mental health" last on my report card but that doesn't mean I think it is least important, just harder to control. I can't just decide "be happy today". But I think feeling like I have other things in control will help.
I need to decide whether to judge Aurealis again this year, they've asked if I want to. It is a lot of reading, up to two books a week for around nine months. And some of those books are terrible! They include self-published as well as traditional-published. Not that self-published is necessarily bad, sometimes the books are great. Year before last, one won the Fantasy category. Overall, I would say that 25% of submissions are great, 50% are ok, 25% terrible. That is quite a lot of ok and terrible to wade through. And since the ceremony will be over the other side of Australia I won't be going to it, which means less networking will result from being part of it. I need to spend time doing my own writing, and exercising! And I've also committed to the critique group, although that is only one book a month. But still. Maybe. It's a lot of free books, and I am helping out an industry that is very special to me, and having a say in it, and to be honest it makes me feel pretty important!
The kids and I went to see the movie "Home" today and it was really good. It's animated with Jim Parsons (Sheldon) voicing the alien. Mainly funny, but in the scene where the human girl can't find her mother the whole cinema was full of choking sobs. Sniffs and noses blown all over the place. I may have shed a tear or two myself. It was probably all the parents crying. Since having children myself, anything like that really gets to me.
Then grocery shopping, and we congratulated ourselves on a mainly healthy trolley. We did have a treat in the cinema (I had some chocolate) but I'm feeling pretty good about how most of our meals are healthy. We don't get fast food that often. I cook at home nearly every night, and lunches too. Snacking between meals is more of an issue, especially when we are out and about, but at least home is a mainly healthy place, even during school holidays.
You may be able to tell I'm feeling a bit less dismal today! Much better. And my foot seems completely healed now, not a single twinge. I'm ready for a more active weekend. Even if it is going to rain for the next week. Temperatures are dropping, too. It may not snow here but it gets well below freezing at night in winter, and we are starting to feel that chill. Another reason to want to move to more temperate climes!
Had two awkward phone calls with mothers of Jasmine's friends. One yesterday, I know her quite well but I guess I haven't spoken to for a while because she said she hoped my mother was doing better and I had to say she died back in January. The other tonight, I've never met or spoken to the lady before, she called and opened with who she was then said "how are you?" and I said "good, thank you". Pause. Then she said, "I'm good too, thank you." Was she being snarky because I didn't ask or just automatically responding as if I had asked because people usually do? Whoops. I was just kind of waiting to find out what she wanted.
Report card:
Diet: Good.
Exercise: Poor. I should have, today, but didn't.
Water: Good.
Sleep: Great.
Mental health: Good.
As I was going to bed last night I realised that I'd made a commitment to myself to drink my water each day, and I hadn't. It was already late because I'd stayed up to watch the finale of Ink Master. I had a choice, I could chug down two more glasses of water but seriously disrupt my sleep - probably getting up four times in the next couple of hours - or not keep my promise to myself. I ended up deciding that sleep was more important. But I'll make sure to drink my water today and in future.
Since my current focus is sleep and then hydration, I am going to try to worry a bit less about actual weight loss right now. That doesn't mean I'm okaying binge eating or not exercising! But if I'm serious that I need to get a handle on one issue at a time, then I need to accept that I might not lose dramatic amounts of weight right now. I might not make many of my dietbet goals (sad face) although I still want to get the overall six month one. But I am a long term project. I will add specific commitments about exercise and food when I feel more confident about sleep and water. One step at a time. It won't take that long. I started to feel pretty good about my routine to use my CPAP after a couple of weeks. Sometimes I don't want to put it on, but I do anyway. I just know I have to, like I have to brush my teeth even if I'm tired. Last night I slept seven hours straight, barely moving a muscle (although I am pretty tired today, still catching up). I only did three days of great water consumption before yesterday's stumble, obviously I'm not set in that routine yet. I need more time to get into that groove. Then I think exercise will be next, hopefully starting a week from Monday when the kids go back to school and I can go to the gym again. All these things make controlling my food intake that little bit easier. Exercise can make me hungry, but also makes me feel strong and virtuous and unwilling to sabotage what I have just achieved. Water diverts those false hunger signals that are really thirst. And sleep means I don't have to reach for food to keep me awake. Dieting is never easy, but I think it's a bit easier when everything else is under control.
Also need to work on stress, of course. Maybe be more regular with my meditations, which I only do about once a week or less now. And have some long talks with my husband about what we want to do about the whole move situation. And fix my novel so I don't see its now-glaring flaws every time I look at it. I always put "mental health" last on my report card but that doesn't mean I think it is least important, just harder to control. I can't just decide "be happy today". But I think feeling like I have other things in control will help.
I need to decide whether to judge Aurealis again this year, they've asked if I want to. It is a lot of reading, up to two books a week for around nine months. And some of those books are terrible! They include self-published as well as traditional-published. Not that self-published is necessarily bad, sometimes the books are great. Year before last, one won the Fantasy category. Overall, I would say that 25% of submissions are great, 50% are ok, 25% terrible. That is quite a lot of ok and terrible to wade through. And since the ceremony will be over the other side of Australia I won't be going to it, which means less networking will result from being part of it. I need to spend time doing my own writing, and exercising! And I've also committed to the critique group, although that is only one book a month. But still. Maybe. It's a lot of free books, and I am helping out an industry that is very special to me, and having a say in it, and to be honest it makes me feel pretty important!
The kids and I went to see the movie "Home" today and it was really good. It's animated with Jim Parsons (Sheldon) voicing the alien. Mainly funny, but in the scene where the human girl can't find her mother the whole cinema was full of choking sobs. Sniffs and noses blown all over the place. I may have shed a tear or two myself. It was probably all the parents crying. Since having children myself, anything like that really gets to me.
Then grocery shopping, and we congratulated ourselves on a mainly healthy trolley. We did have a treat in the cinema (I had some chocolate) but I'm feeling pretty good about how most of our meals are healthy. We don't get fast food that often. I cook at home nearly every night, and lunches too. Snacking between meals is more of an issue, especially when we are out and about, but at least home is a mainly healthy place, even during school holidays.
You may be able to tell I'm feeling a bit less dismal today! Much better. And my foot seems completely healed now, not a single twinge. I'm ready for a more active weekend. Even if it is going to rain for the next week. Temperatures are dropping, too. It may not snow here but it gets well below freezing at night in winter, and we are starting to feel that chill. Another reason to want to move to more temperate climes!
Had two awkward phone calls with mothers of Jasmine's friends. One yesterday, I know her quite well but I guess I haven't spoken to for a while because she said she hoped my mother was doing better and I had to say she died back in January. The other tonight, I've never met or spoken to the lady before, she called and opened with who she was then said "how are you?" and I said "good, thank you". Pause. Then she said, "I'm good too, thank you." Was she being snarky because I didn't ask or just automatically responding as if I had asked because people usually do? Whoops. I was just kind of waiting to find out what she wanted.
Report card:
Diet: Good.
Exercise: Poor. I should have, today, but didn't.
Water: Good.
Sleep: Great.
Mental health: Good.
Thursday, April 16, 2015
Stress
Thursday:
Still really struggling with my mood today. Part of it of course is about my weight. I'd kind of been trying to buoy myself up a bit by telling myself that part of my gain was water weight that would quickly drop off with a couple of days of low carb/high water intake. Wrong. I guess it's just fat. I have lost a few hundred grams, quite reasonable for two days of eating clean, but nothing like my water weight hopes. The fat will come off, I know, if I keep persevering.
A big part of my stress at the moment is coming from the whole issue of moving house. We have lived here for 15 years and my husband has a secure well-paid job that is pretty specific to this city, our nation's capital. Most of our family lives in Sydney, where we both grew up, which is three to four hours away depending on which part. We've wanted to move back there for a while, and with the money from my mum we can afford it (house prices there are the highest in Australia and going up all the time). Ironically, moving there is no longer so urgent for me now that mum has died.
The problem is that there are no jobs in Sydney for Tim at his level. Almost no jobs in his area at all. He saw one this weekend he could apply for. The salary was less than half what he is getting now. Less than half! Even if he got the job - and I assume the competition would be fierce with so little available - do we want to move to a more expensive city with a lot less money coming in? I don't think that is an option.
Our current house is getting a bit small for us, and needs a lot of work because we've done nothing to maintain it over the years. So what do we do? Fix up this house a bit and sit here until a better job becomes available in Sydney, maybe years down the track? Do major renovations like three of our friends are doing right now, with all the expense and hassle that entails? Fix it up and sell it, buying a bigger house in the same city so Tim can keep his job, but moving away from the kids' school and friends without the benefit of being nearer family?
The other big problem is my husband works very long hours and has so much stress that he had to go on high blood pressure medication. Stress is the only issue, as far as we know, he exercises a lot and isn't overweight. It's just his job. And he gets home late every night. I'd love him to change jobs, if he could find one, to something less stressful and demanding - but not quite down to less than half his current pay!
Unless we did a complete seachange. Live quietly in a little town somewhere with much less money and much less stress. I don't think that is going to happen.
So. We just don't know what we are going to do. All a bit stressful.
I also has a really restless night for no apparent reason. But sometimes I think my mood isn't controlled by outer circumstances, just influenced by them. Maybe I just woke up on the sad side of the bed.
The kids went straight to their Lego after breakfast and I barely saw them to lunchtime. I didn't even make them get dressed, they were perfectly happy with lots of giggles and imaginative play. They play so well together. I read. We made little pizzas for lunch, then in the afternoon went to an indoor playground next to the airport. It was a lovely autumn day but that was what the kids chose, and I was happy to sit and read and rest my foot. Jumping castle and slides and vertical tunnels and a ball pit for the little ones. We were there for three hours, and the last people there! Then picked up Tim from work and went out for Chinese for dinner.
Report card:
Diet: Poor. Doughnut AND chips at the play land, Chinese for dinner (not too much, but very salty and probably had sugar too). I had struggled with cravings all morning due to sad mood, and gave in a bit in the afternoon.
Exercise: Nil, but I think this was a good choice. My foot feels much better after sitting around all day.
Water: Poor.
Sleep: Good in the sense of sticking to my CPAP goals. But a bad night.
Mental health: Pretty bad all day, but I'm actually ending the evening ok. I feel like I got through the day without letting it descend into a disaster. So I ate a few things and didn't drink all my water. I did alright, considering.
Still really struggling with my mood today. Part of it of course is about my weight. I'd kind of been trying to buoy myself up a bit by telling myself that part of my gain was water weight that would quickly drop off with a couple of days of low carb/high water intake. Wrong. I guess it's just fat. I have lost a few hundred grams, quite reasonable for two days of eating clean, but nothing like my water weight hopes. The fat will come off, I know, if I keep persevering.
A big part of my stress at the moment is coming from the whole issue of moving house. We have lived here for 15 years and my husband has a secure well-paid job that is pretty specific to this city, our nation's capital. Most of our family lives in Sydney, where we both grew up, which is three to four hours away depending on which part. We've wanted to move back there for a while, and with the money from my mum we can afford it (house prices there are the highest in Australia and going up all the time). Ironically, moving there is no longer so urgent for me now that mum has died.
The problem is that there are no jobs in Sydney for Tim at his level. Almost no jobs in his area at all. He saw one this weekend he could apply for. The salary was less than half what he is getting now. Less than half! Even if he got the job - and I assume the competition would be fierce with so little available - do we want to move to a more expensive city with a lot less money coming in? I don't think that is an option.
Our current house is getting a bit small for us, and needs a lot of work because we've done nothing to maintain it over the years. So what do we do? Fix up this house a bit and sit here until a better job becomes available in Sydney, maybe years down the track? Do major renovations like three of our friends are doing right now, with all the expense and hassle that entails? Fix it up and sell it, buying a bigger house in the same city so Tim can keep his job, but moving away from the kids' school and friends without the benefit of being nearer family?
The other big problem is my husband works very long hours and has so much stress that he had to go on high blood pressure medication. Stress is the only issue, as far as we know, he exercises a lot and isn't overweight. It's just his job. And he gets home late every night. I'd love him to change jobs, if he could find one, to something less stressful and demanding - but not quite down to less than half his current pay!
Unless we did a complete seachange. Live quietly in a little town somewhere with much less money and much less stress. I don't think that is going to happen.
So. We just don't know what we are going to do. All a bit stressful.
I also has a really restless night for no apparent reason. But sometimes I think my mood isn't controlled by outer circumstances, just influenced by them. Maybe I just woke up on the sad side of the bed.
The kids went straight to their Lego after breakfast and I barely saw them to lunchtime. I didn't even make them get dressed, they were perfectly happy with lots of giggles and imaginative play. They play so well together. I read. We made little pizzas for lunch, then in the afternoon went to an indoor playground next to the airport. It was a lovely autumn day but that was what the kids chose, and I was happy to sit and read and rest my foot. Jumping castle and slides and vertical tunnels and a ball pit for the little ones. We were there for three hours, and the last people there! Then picked up Tim from work and went out for Chinese for dinner.
Report card:
Diet: Poor. Doughnut AND chips at the play land, Chinese for dinner (not too much, but very salty and probably had sugar too). I had struggled with cravings all morning due to sad mood, and gave in a bit in the afternoon.
Exercise: Nil, but I think this was a good choice. My foot feels much better after sitting around all day.
Water: Poor.
Sleep: Good in the sense of sticking to my CPAP goals. But a bad night.
Mental health: Pretty bad all day, but I'm actually ending the evening ok. I feel like I got through the day without letting it descend into a disaster. So I ate a few things and didn't drink all my water. I did alright, considering.
Wednesday, April 15, 2015
A better day
Wednesday:
Sleep is going really well, last night I slept a solid six hours. That is such a huge improvement on the broken sleep I had been getting. I no longer fall asleep if I sit down in the afternoon.
I also had another day of clean eating, around 1320 calories and 80 grams of carb, the only processed food was some tomato sauce (ketchup) on my turkey burger (no bread).
Exercise has been more of a problem. My foot is still sore, I think this is day five. It is not all that bad, but it does hurt whenever I put weight on it and I'm concerned that it isn't improving. On top of that, today my left thigh was very sore all day - maybe I am walking in an unbalanced way because of my sore foot? And then my shoulder was playing up too. I did some Fantasia because it didn't require much from my foot, but stopped after 30 mins because it was hurting my shoulder. Oh well, hopefully it will be better tomorrow. I did what I could without making things worse.
The kids and I went to the library in the morning and spent some time there, then went to a toy store and we got some new Lego. Jasmine cooked us lunch, I did my hour of deskwork and the Fantasia, then the kids watched a movie while I read. I feel like we should be out doing more, my sore foot is really cramping my style.
Report card:
Diet: Great.
Exercise: Ok.
Water: Awesome.
Sleep: Great.
Mental health: Ok. Recovering from the weight disappointment.
Sleep is going really well, last night I slept a solid six hours. That is such a huge improvement on the broken sleep I had been getting. I no longer fall asleep if I sit down in the afternoon.
I also had another day of clean eating, around 1320 calories and 80 grams of carb, the only processed food was some tomato sauce (ketchup) on my turkey burger (no bread).
Exercise has been more of a problem. My foot is still sore, I think this is day five. It is not all that bad, but it does hurt whenever I put weight on it and I'm concerned that it isn't improving. On top of that, today my left thigh was very sore all day - maybe I am walking in an unbalanced way because of my sore foot? And then my shoulder was playing up too. I did some Fantasia because it didn't require much from my foot, but stopped after 30 mins because it was hurting my shoulder. Oh well, hopefully it will be better tomorrow. I did what I could without making things worse.
The kids and I went to the library in the morning and spent some time there, then went to a toy store and we got some new Lego. Jasmine cooked us lunch, I did my hour of deskwork and the Fantasia, then the kids watched a movie while I read. I feel like we should be out doing more, my sore foot is really cramping my style.
Report card:
Diet: Great.
Exercise: Ok.
Water: Awesome.
Sleep: Great.
Mental health: Ok. Recovering from the weight disappointment.
Tuesday, April 14, 2015
Low carb
Tuesday:
So, after my depressing weigh-in this morning I sat around for quite a while feeling sorry for myself. Even after I got off my butt, I still felt pretty miserable all morning. It's not just that I'm still fat, it's that feeling of failure. How can you fail over and over again for years without feeling like a failure? I read all these other blogs where people are losing weight so I know it's not impossible, so why can't I? What is wrong with me?
There is a motivational poster going around that is something like "Losing weight is hard. Being fat is hard. Choose your hard." Today I felt like I could reword it "Be miserable because you can't eat whatever you want. Or be miserable because you are fat. Choose one. Or why not both? Feel like you are denying yourself AND be sad about being fat as well!" Pity party much? Well, days like this have happened before and no doubt they will come again. I eventually just got on with it.
I did do some actual thinking as well as just wallowing in misery. Still not giving up. Still not ready to just settle for this size. And anyway, it's better than gaining weight which is probably what would happen.
I've chosen to go the lowish-carb route. It's hard to stick to (as is any restriction whatsoever), but on the other hand at least I know I lose weight. Mainly I cut out anything processed, because all that stuff is just highly refined carbohydrates. Concentrate on stuff that I could produce myself if I had a big enough farm. "Things that your grandmother would recognise" doesn't exactly apply because both my grandmothers were of the plain meat and three veg school and they probably never saw Chinese, Thai, or Mexican food in their lives. They wouldn't have heard of most of the spices I use. But it is basically the right sentiment. Nothing that has been "invented" in the past 50 years or so. And limited "natural" carby stuff as well. But not too low, because that seriously messes with my mood. Today so far I have had all real foods, 959 calories and 40.3 grams of carbohydrate. I expect to go a bit higher in both most days, that just happens to be all I needed to fill me up today. I wasn't at all hungry between meals. If I get hungry this evening I will have some raspberries and yoghurt (which I make myself so I know it has nothing bad in it, just milk and cultures).
There was one large chocolate biscuit left and I was a bit scared of it so I gave it to Jasmine for dessert. Aiden doesn't like chocolate, he had a cupcake that daddy made on the weekend. I still have to resist the remaining cupcakes - I haven't had any - but I feel much safer without the yummy wafer biscuit calling me.
After a late breakfast the kids volunteered to do some extra housework for half an hour extra computer time so I allowed that and we all did a bit of work, then we went for a half hour walk outside, then had a healthy lunch of various leftovers - I had some homemade tomato soup, a slice of roast beef, and some salad - then I did a bit of deskwork (trying for an hour a day during school holidays), then we watched the Foxtel movie du jour "The Lego Movie" which the kids had seen before with daddy but I hadn't. It was ok. As soon as it was over the kids ran off to play with Aiden's huge collection of Lego.
Managed to keep the TV off most of the day which was great, but actually I'm a bit disenchanted with Foxtel already after 48 hours. There isn't that much on it I want to watch that isn't on my 20 or so free TV channels, apart from quite a lot of kids' movies. I'll see how I feel after Game of Thrones finishes. There are a couple of series that I would try but they only seem to have the most recent episodes available so I can't go right back to the start, unless they have a special "box set" like they do with Game of Thrones.
Report card:
Diet: Great.
Exercise: Good. My foot started hurting again after the walk so I'm being careful.
Water: Fantastic.
Sleep: Great.
Mental health: Very bad for most of the day, ok now.
So, after my depressing weigh-in this morning I sat around for quite a while feeling sorry for myself. Even after I got off my butt, I still felt pretty miserable all morning. It's not just that I'm still fat, it's that feeling of failure. How can you fail over and over again for years without feeling like a failure? I read all these other blogs where people are losing weight so I know it's not impossible, so why can't I? What is wrong with me?
There is a motivational poster going around that is something like "Losing weight is hard. Being fat is hard. Choose your hard." Today I felt like I could reword it "Be miserable because you can't eat whatever you want. Or be miserable because you are fat. Choose one. Or why not both? Feel like you are denying yourself AND be sad about being fat as well!" Pity party much? Well, days like this have happened before and no doubt they will come again. I eventually just got on with it.
I did do some actual thinking as well as just wallowing in misery. Still not giving up. Still not ready to just settle for this size. And anyway, it's better than gaining weight which is probably what would happen.
I've chosen to go the lowish-carb route. It's hard to stick to (as is any restriction whatsoever), but on the other hand at least I know I lose weight. Mainly I cut out anything processed, because all that stuff is just highly refined carbohydrates. Concentrate on stuff that I could produce myself if I had a big enough farm. "Things that your grandmother would recognise" doesn't exactly apply because both my grandmothers were of the plain meat and three veg school and they probably never saw Chinese, Thai, or Mexican food in their lives. They wouldn't have heard of most of the spices I use. But it is basically the right sentiment. Nothing that has been "invented" in the past 50 years or so. And limited "natural" carby stuff as well. But not too low, because that seriously messes with my mood. Today so far I have had all real foods, 959 calories and 40.3 grams of carbohydrate. I expect to go a bit higher in both most days, that just happens to be all I needed to fill me up today. I wasn't at all hungry between meals. If I get hungry this evening I will have some raspberries and yoghurt (which I make myself so I know it has nothing bad in it, just milk and cultures).
There was one large chocolate biscuit left and I was a bit scared of it so I gave it to Jasmine for dessert. Aiden doesn't like chocolate, he had a cupcake that daddy made on the weekend. I still have to resist the remaining cupcakes - I haven't had any - but I feel much safer without the yummy wafer biscuit calling me.
After a late breakfast the kids volunteered to do some extra housework for half an hour extra computer time so I allowed that and we all did a bit of work, then we went for a half hour walk outside, then had a healthy lunch of various leftovers - I had some homemade tomato soup, a slice of roast beef, and some salad - then I did a bit of deskwork (trying for an hour a day during school holidays), then we watched the Foxtel movie du jour "The Lego Movie" which the kids had seen before with daddy but I hadn't. It was ok. As soon as it was over the kids ran off to play with Aiden's huge collection of Lego.
Managed to keep the TV off most of the day which was great, but actually I'm a bit disenchanted with Foxtel already after 48 hours. There isn't that much on it I want to watch that isn't on my 20 or so free TV channels, apart from quite a lot of kids' movies. I'll see how I feel after Game of Thrones finishes. There are a couple of series that I would try but they only seem to have the most recent episodes available so I can't go right back to the start, unless they have a special "box set" like they do with Game of Thrones.
Report card:
Diet: Great.
Exercise: Good. My foot started hurting again after the walk so I'm being careful.
Water: Fantastic.
Sleep: Great.
Mental health: Very bad for most of the day, ok now.
Monday, April 13, 2015
Crushed
Well I got up this morning after a good night's sleep, 12 cups of water yesterday to flush out sodium, and got on the scale to find my weight is UP again. I am back to where I started. Again. Crushed.
I'm not saying I don't know why, exactly. But the thing is, apparently to lose weight and keep it off I have to be 100% perfect ALL THE TIME. And of course I am not. I am nowhere near perfect. So I lose a couple of kilograms or maybe only half a kilo and then I eat a bread roll and a couple of chocolate biscuits and the fat comes straight back. Five years, bouncing back to the same weight over and over.
Do I just give up now? Try to be happy at this weight? Do I go on some crazy punishing diet? Because what I am doing isn't working.
Could anything be more of a first world problem? Oh dear, I have so much tempting food available that I overeat. Gotta laugh, really. Or cry.
I'm not saying I don't know why, exactly. But the thing is, apparently to lose weight and keep it off I have to be 100% perfect ALL THE TIME. And of course I am not. I am nowhere near perfect. So I lose a couple of kilograms or maybe only half a kilo and then I eat a bread roll and a couple of chocolate biscuits and the fat comes straight back. Five years, bouncing back to the same weight over and over.
Do I just give up now? Try to be happy at this weight? Do I go on some crazy punishing diet? Because what I am doing isn't working.
Could anything be more of a first world problem? Oh dear, I have so much tempting food available that I overeat. Gotta laugh, really. Or cry.
A bit less fabulous
Monday:
The day didn't start off so well, I had a very restless night for no particular reason. All that extra water probably didn't help but mainly I was just lying awake. Then I had expected to drop all that restaurant weight overnight but only half of it was gone this morning, and finally my foot was still sore. I ended up getting an ankle support in the hope that if I can go through 24 hours without re-twisting it, it will heal up properly. It keeps twinging when I put weight on it.
Having Foxtel was a bit exciting today. So much to watch! Netflix has also just come to Australia but Foxtel will do for now. The kids and I did the grocery shopping then I watched Game of Thrones, then we had lunch and I made them play outside while I did a bit of work then we watched Maleficent, then we went for a walk then I watched another episode of RuPaul's Drag Race before dinner. Tonight is my favourite cooking show and The Big Band Theory on normal TV. Far too much time spent in front of a screen today. But it's still new and shiny, I won't be watching this much in future. I've told the kids one movie a day during the school holidays. I made them some popcorn today.
Report card:
Diet: Ok. There may have been a couple of chocolate biscuits at some point.
Exercise: Ok. Just a walk.
Water: Good.
Sleep: Good in the sense of keeping on my CPAP for around five hours. Not a good night sleep.
Mental health: Good.
Ok, so not as fabulous as yesterday. A lot less fabulous than RuPaul (a very convincing drag queen). But not a bad day.
The day didn't start off so well, I had a very restless night for no particular reason. All that extra water probably didn't help but mainly I was just lying awake. Then I had expected to drop all that restaurant weight overnight but only half of it was gone this morning, and finally my foot was still sore. I ended up getting an ankle support in the hope that if I can go through 24 hours without re-twisting it, it will heal up properly. It keeps twinging when I put weight on it.
Having Foxtel was a bit exciting today. So much to watch! Netflix has also just come to Australia but Foxtel will do for now. The kids and I did the grocery shopping then I watched Game of Thrones, then we had lunch and I made them play outside while I did a bit of work then we watched Maleficent, then we went for a walk then I watched another episode of RuPaul's Drag Race before dinner. Tonight is my favourite cooking show and The Big Band Theory on normal TV. Far too much time spent in front of a screen today. But it's still new and shiny, I won't be watching this much in future. I've told the kids one movie a day during the school holidays. I made them some popcorn today.
Report card:
Diet: Ok. There may have been a couple of chocolate biscuits at some point.
Exercise: Ok. Just a walk.
Water: Good.
Sleep: Good in the sense of keeping on my CPAP for around five hours. Not a good night sleep.
Mental health: Good.
Ok, so not as fabulous as yesterday. A lot less fabulous than RuPaul (a very convincing drag queen). But not a bad day.
Sunday, April 12, 2015
Aurealis Awards
Sunday:
I didn't write yesterday because we went out last night, a pretty rare occurrence these days. It was the Aurealis Awards, Australian book awards for speculative fiction (fantasy, science fiction and horror - spec fiction is basically anything with elements that aren't in the real world). I was one of the judges, as I have been four out of the past five years. It is quite a lot of work, being a judge, reading a lot of books (my record was 63 when I was doing the fantasy novel category) over about a eight month period and critiquing them and arguing with the other judges about which is the best.
The kids had sleep-overs with friends and we went out to dinner and to the Awards which was fun. I don't actually do anything at the ceremony, just watch from the audience, but I get to talk to authors and publishers at the drinks before it starts. Except I'm generally too shy to approach people, and also I don't know what they look like so I don't know who to approach anyway! So we only chatted to a few people. The ceremony is moving to Perth next year, way over of the opposite coast, so it's the last one I'll be going to for a while although I may still judge, I haven't yet decided. It is a big eater-of-time and I come to resent reading what I have to instead of what I want to!
I didn't exercise yesterday because I hurt my foot somehow. I kept hoping it would get better but it didn't - in fact is still hurts today. I wasn't even exercising when I hurt it, I just got up from a chair. It's nothing serious, but I don't want to make it worse by doing much with it. My body insists on reminding me how middle-aged and unfit I am. Today I did an hour of Fantasia, which didn't involve moving my feet much and was fine.
My water consumption was absolutely shocking yesterday - two glasses of water and one of cup of tea all day. I've been pretty slack with this for a while now. So, with my commitment to my CPAP going really well, I'm adding step two. My new focus is my water consumption. I know it really does help me lose weight and keep healthy. I will keep that damn Plant Nanny seedling (my current plant is a cabbage, as they grow up they get put in the "garden" and you chose a new baby) alive and unwilted! I can do this, it just takes focus. I am trying to take one step at a time and not expect myself to be perfect in all areas all at once. I've got the sleep under control, now I am tackling water.
Speaking of the CPAP, that is finally going much better. Two more nights of keeping it on for much longer stretches and sleeping peacefully most of the night. I think it really took that mental shift where I no longer just assume and expect it will be an annoyance. I'm still often feeling quite tired during the day but after all I have years of poor sleep to catch up on so I'm hoping that will gradually improve.
In less-happy news, my weight was way up this morning, nearly a kilogram overnight. Damn restaurant food! And I thought I made a good choice avoiding the pasta, and only had half a glass of cider, and one nibble at the cocktail party and no wine there. But it was probably very salty and with the minimal fluid all day I wasn't able to flush the salt out. Still, even knowing that it is a bit discouraging. I'd lost about half a kilogram during the week, a small amount but a good start, and then put it all back on and more overnight. Oh well, I know I can lose it again.
We signed up for Foxtel today because it is the only way to see Game of Thrones in Australia. Other than piracy, of course, and they are really cracking down on that. We've got the previous seasons on DVD, and I've read all the books of course. We've never had pay TV before, we get plenty of free channels and I watch too much TV anyway. But after my husband set it up up the kids watched the movie "Turbo" and then I watched two episodes of America's Next Top Model and an episode of Junior Master Chef from the UK, and Tim looked at me and said "we're keeping Foxtel after Game of Thrones is over, aren't we" and I said "yup"! Because of time zone differences GoT will be on Monday 11:00am, so I'll have to lock the kids in their rooms for an hour! Not suitable for children! And Tim goes out Monday nights, there is no way I am waiting until Tuesday night after the kids are in bed to watch it with him.
I did really well with food today and didn't eat any of the cupcakes Tim and Jasmine made!
Report card (for Sunday):
Diet: Great.
Exercise: Good. I'm happy I worked around the sore foot.
Water: Amazing! 💦 I'm on glass 12 now.
Sleep: Great.
Mental health: Good.
Teacher's note: We think Natalie is ready. We are moving her up to the next grade. 😃
I didn't write yesterday because we went out last night, a pretty rare occurrence these days. It was the Aurealis Awards, Australian book awards for speculative fiction (fantasy, science fiction and horror - spec fiction is basically anything with elements that aren't in the real world). I was one of the judges, as I have been four out of the past five years. It is quite a lot of work, being a judge, reading a lot of books (my record was 63 when I was doing the fantasy novel category) over about a eight month period and critiquing them and arguing with the other judges about which is the best.
The kids had sleep-overs with friends and we went out to dinner and to the Awards which was fun. I don't actually do anything at the ceremony, just watch from the audience, but I get to talk to authors and publishers at the drinks before it starts. Except I'm generally too shy to approach people, and also I don't know what they look like so I don't know who to approach anyway! So we only chatted to a few people. The ceremony is moving to Perth next year, way over of the opposite coast, so it's the last one I'll be going to for a while although I may still judge, I haven't yet decided. It is a big eater-of-time and I come to resent reading what I have to instead of what I want to!
I didn't exercise yesterday because I hurt my foot somehow. I kept hoping it would get better but it didn't - in fact is still hurts today. I wasn't even exercising when I hurt it, I just got up from a chair. It's nothing serious, but I don't want to make it worse by doing much with it. My body insists on reminding me how middle-aged and unfit I am. Today I did an hour of Fantasia, which didn't involve moving my feet much and was fine.
My water consumption was absolutely shocking yesterday - two glasses of water and one of cup of tea all day. I've been pretty slack with this for a while now. So, with my commitment to my CPAP going really well, I'm adding step two. My new focus is my water consumption. I know it really does help me lose weight and keep healthy. I will keep that damn Plant Nanny seedling (my current plant is a cabbage, as they grow up they get put in the "garden" and you chose a new baby) alive and unwilted! I can do this, it just takes focus. I am trying to take one step at a time and not expect myself to be perfect in all areas all at once. I've got the sleep under control, now I am tackling water.
Speaking of the CPAP, that is finally going much better. Two more nights of keeping it on for much longer stretches and sleeping peacefully most of the night. I think it really took that mental shift where I no longer just assume and expect it will be an annoyance. I'm still often feeling quite tired during the day but after all I have years of poor sleep to catch up on so I'm hoping that will gradually improve.
In less-happy news, my weight was way up this morning, nearly a kilogram overnight. Damn restaurant food! And I thought I made a good choice avoiding the pasta, and only had half a glass of cider, and one nibble at the cocktail party and no wine there. But it was probably very salty and with the minimal fluid all day I wasn't able to flush the salt out. Still, even knowing that it is a bit discouraging. I'd lost about half a kilogram during the week, a small amount but a good start, and then put it all back on and more overnight. Oh well, I know I can lose it again.
We signed up for Foxtel today because it is the only way to see Game of Thrones in Australia. Other than piracy, of course, and they are really cracking down on that. We've got the previous seasons on DVD, and I've read all the books of course. We've never had pay TV before, we get plenty of free channels and I watch too much TV anyway. But after my husband set it up up the kids watched the movie "Turbo" and then I watched two episodes of America's Next Top Model and an episode of Junior Master Chef from the UK, and Tim looked at me and said "we're keeping Foxtel after Game of Thrones is over, aren't we" and I said "yup"! Because of time zone differences GoT will be on Monday 11:00am, so I'll have to lock the kids in their rooms for an hour! Not suitable for children! And Tim goes out Monday nights, there is no way I am waiting until Tuesday night after the kids are in bed to watch it with him.
I did really well with food today and didn't eat any of the cupcakes Tim and Jasmine made!
Report card (for Sunday):
Diet: Great.
Exercise: Good. I'm happy I worked around the sore foot.
Water: Amazing! 💦 I'm on glass 12 now.
Sleep: Great.
Mental health: Good.
Teacher's note: We think Natalie is ready. We are moving her up to the next grade. 😃
Friday, April 10, 2015
NSV
Friday:
Last night as I was going to bed (all replete and contented from my fast food) I looked at my CPAP with some distaste. Another night coming up the same as the previous nine or so; a couple of hours sleep, waking to find the CPAP annoying me but staying true to my goal of minimum four hours every night, getting back to sleep for another couple of hours, the relief at yanking the mask off, the sore nose, trying to get back to sleep again, last few restless hours with sleep apnoea disturbing me. I've been proud of myself sticking to my vow but I was not exactly having a fun time.
Then I wondered if I was partly causing some of the problems with my resigned but resentful mindset. I was expecting all the wakefulness - was I causing it? So I turned my mind around. I decided to sleep restfully and well, with my CPAP on, all the way to 7am. No restlessness or irritation at all, just good sleep all the way. Somehow I found it really easy to just decide this would happen.
And it did. I woke once to go to the bathroom, then slept through to just after 7am. With my CPAP on all night.
The weirdest thing was when I looked at my fitbit sleep stats. I slept solidly and without restlessness except for two points. First when I woke and went to the bathroom, about the time I always do after two or three hours, but second when I usually wake and take off the CPAP nose pillows. I still woke, apparently. But I don't remember waking. I just went back to sleep quick enough that I don't even recall it. And those last few hours were as good as the earlier ones, because I still had my CPAP on. Amazing what a change of mindset can do.
Yesterday I finished my "quality" Easter chocolate, the Lindt egg and bunny my husband gave me. Five days to eat 220 grams, with a couple of extra little eggs so call it 50 grams a day. That is about five times the chocolate I usually eat a day! Hard to keep the calories down with an extra 250 or so calories each day. I still have some little eggs left from the Easter bunny but the quality is only Cadbury good, not Lindt great, and not nearly so tempting. I put them away in the cupboard, out of sight (they were on my desk!) and I think I'll be eating a lot less chocolate for a while.
I only realised today that I won't be able to go to the gym for the next two weeks except on weekends. It's the last day of school term today so I'll have my kids home. They are too young to come to the gym and the crèche isn't open in the holidays (how stupid is that!). My husband gets home too late from work, always after dinner, for me to go then - last night he got home at 11pm, tonight about 8:10. So there would only be weekends. I'll try to put my membership on hold, I think I can do that for one week without a medical certificate. I'll just have to use my Xbox games a lot at home and take the kids for walks. I could get up early, before Tim goes to work. I'm considering that, but I don't want to sacrifice precious sleep and I wouldn't be able to go to any classes so I don't feel that using the elliptical is necessarily any better than exercising at home.
Here was me thinking I had a stretch of time ahead with no deviations from routine! How silly was I! Two weeks of school holidays coming up. Or as I said to Tim this morning, anti-holidays for me. He'll still be working so it means I'll have the kids home all day. Need to think of lots of fun things to do. That don't involve food, or huge amounts of money.
I thought my weight might be up this morning after last night's salty dinner, but only up 0.1 kg. I did drink all my water so I'm sure that helped.
I started to have strong cravings again after lunch. This time specifically for Twisties (crunchy cheese flavoured twists). I fought it and fought it but finally after nearly three hours, after the kids got home from school, I gave in. We walked a kilometre each way to the corner store and had a treat. I enjoyed my Twisties very much but did feel a bit sick afterwards - it wasn't a family size bag but it was bigger than a one-person serve. What is it with these sudden cravings? I don't understand where they are coming from.
While Jasmine was in her ballet class, Aiden and I went for another walk. He chose the direction and the path unexpectedly went up a long steep hill. We made it to the top of the path - the hill continued in trees and grass - 24 flights of stairs high according to my fitbit. We walked back down and I hit 10,000 steps as we got back to the dance studio so that was good timing.
So it was a mixed day. Some good things, some bad. I did some exercise, but didn't go to the gym (because I left it until the afternoon and then just didn't). I ate about 500 calories of junk. I am a bit worried about these persistent cravings. It's not any special time of the month or anything. Oh well, it's only been for two days, two days isn't exactly a pattern set in stone. I had a great sleep and that is still an important Non Scale Victory.
Report Card:
Diet: Poor.
Exercise: Good.
Water: Poor.
Sleep: Great.
Mental health: A bit up and down.
Last night as I was going to bed (all replete and contented from my fast food) I looked at my CPAP with some distaste. Another night coming up the same as the previous nine or so; a couple of hours sleep, waking to find the CPAP annoying me but staying true to my goal of minimum four hours every night, getting back to sleep for another couple of hours, the relief at yanking the mask off, the sore nose, trying to get back to sleep again, last few restless hours with sleep apnoea disturbing me. I've been proud of myself sticking to my vow but I was not exactly having a fun time.
Then I wondered if I was partly causing some of the problems with my resigned but resentful mindset. I was expecting all the wakefulness - was I causing it? So I turned my mind around. I decided to sleep restfully and well, with my CPAP on, all the way to 7am. No restlessness or irritation at all, just good sleep all the way. Somehow I found it really easy to just decide this would happen.
And it did. I woke once to go to the bathroom, then slept through to just after 7am. With my CPAP on all night.
The weirdest thing was when I looked at my fitbit sleep stats. I slept solidly and without restlessness except for two points. First when I woke and went to the bathroom, about the time I always do after two or three hours, but second when I usually wake and take off the CPAP nose pillows. I still woke, apparently. But I don't remember waking. I just went back to sleep quick enough that I don't even recall it. And those last few hours were as good as the earlier ones, because I still had my CPAP on. Amazing what a change of mindset can do.
Yesterday I finished my "quality" Easter chocolate, the Lindt egg and bunny my husband gave me. Five days to eat 220 grams, with a couple of extra little eggs so call it 50 grams a day. That is about five times the chocolate I usually eat a day! Hard to keep the calories down with an extra 250 or so calories each day. I still have some little eggs left from the Easter bunny but the quality is only Cadbury good, not Lindt great, and not nearly so tempting. I put them away in the cupboard, out of sight (they were on my desk!) and I think I'll be eating a lot less chocolate for a while.
I only realised today that I won't be able to go to the gym for the next two weeks except on weekends. It's the last day of school term today so I'll have my kids home. They are too young to come to the gym and the crèche isn't open in the holidays (how stupid is that!). My husband gets home too late from work, always after dinner, for me to go then - last night he got home at 11pm, tonight about 8:10. So there would only be weekends. I'll try to put my membership on hold, I think I can do that for one week without a medical certificate. I'll just have to use my Xbox games a lot at home and take the kids for walks. I could get up early, before Tim goes to work. I'm considering that, but I don't want to sacrifice precious sleep and I wouldn't be able to go to any classes so I don't feel that using the elliptical is necessarily any better than exercising at home.
Here was me thinking I had a stretch of time ahead with no deviations from routine! How silly was I! Two weeks of school holidays coming up. Or as I said to Tim this morning, anti-holidays for me. He'll still be working so it means I'll have the kids home all day. Need to think of lots of fun things to do. That don't involve food, or huge amounts of money.
I thought my weight might be up this morning after last night's salty dinner, but only up 0.1 kg. I did drink all my water so I'm sure that helped.
I started to have strong cravings again after lunch. This time specifically for Twisties (crunchy cheese flavoured twists). I fought it and fought it but finally after nearly three hours, after the kids got home from school, I gave in. We walked a kilometre each way to the corner store and had a treat. I enjoyed my Twisties very much but did feel a bit sick afterwards - it wasn't a family size bag but it was bigger than a one-person serve. What is it with these sudden cravings? I don't understand where they are coming from.
While Jasmine was in her ballet class, Aiden and I went for another walk. He chose the direction and the path unexpectedly went up a long steep hill. We made it to the top of the path - the hill continued in trees and grass - 24 flights of stairs high according to my fitbit. We walked back down and I hit 10,000 steps as we got back to the dance studio so that was good timing.
So it was a mixed day. Some good things, some bad. I did some exercise, but didn't go to the gym (because I left it until the afternoon and then just didn't). I ate about 500 calories of junk. I am a bit worried about these persistent cravings. It's not any special time of the month or anything. Oh well, it's only been for two days, two days isn't exactly a pattern set in stone. I had a great sleep and that is still an important Non Scale Victory.
Report Card:
Diet: Poor.
Exercise: Good.
Water: Poor.
Sleep: Great.
Mental health: A bit up and down.
Thursday, April 9, 2015
Bad choice
Thursday:
I spent the whole day finishing a project that was actually due yesterday. I tried to get up and move around regularly (my legs aren't nearly so sore today) and drink my water, but otherwise I just worked until dinner time. And got it done and sent off.
I'd eaten healthy up until then but I was suddenly craving fried chicken. Salt and fat! I really didn't want to cook, even though not cooking would mean going out to get something - arguably more work than cooking what I already had planned. Fried chicken was calling. Strangely, even though the late work was now finished, I had started feeling really stressed and uncomfortable. I wanted my favourite salt and fat to soothe me. So I gathered up the kids and went out and bought it and ate it. And felt better.
I'm a bit confused at the moment. I know it was a bad choice, and I should feel bad for giving in to my craving. But actually I felt bad before, and eating it made me feel good. So I should make myself feel bad again? That doesn't sound like it would help! So how should I be feeling?
And we know stress is really bad for us, right? I felt a lot less stress after I ate, so that is a good thing, right?
I know I'm not going to convince anyone (including myself) that it was a good choice. It's just really hard to feel guilty when I am actually feeling very content. I didn't overeat, I had two pieces and a few chips. But it was unhealthy, I know.
If this was sugar people would say it's because I am addicted and fed my addiction. Can you be addicted to fat and salt? My comfort foods/trigger foods always contain these elements. Chips, cheezles, Doritos, fried chicken, hot chips. Crunchy is best.
Report card:
Diet: Poor.
Exercise: Poor.
Water: Great.
Sleep: Good.
Mental health: Bad, then good.
I spent the whole day finishing a project that was actually due yesterday. I tried to get up and move around regularly (my legs aren't nearly so sore today) and drink my water, but otherwise I just worked until dinner time. And got it done and sent off.
I'd eaten healthy up until then but I was suddenly craving fried chicken. Salt and fat! I really didn't want to cook, even though not cooking would mean going out to get something - arguably more work than cooking what I already had planned. Fried chicken was calling. Strangely, even though the late work was now finished, I had started feeling really stressed and uncomfortable. I wanted my favourite salt and fat to soothe me. So I gathered up the kids and went out and bought it and ate it. And felt better.
I'm a bit confused at the moment. I know it was a bad choice, and I should feel bad for giving in to my craving. But actually I felt bad before, and eating it made me feel good. So I should make myself feel bad again? That doesn't sound like it would help! So how should I be feeling?
And we know stress is really bad for us, right? I felt a lot less stress after I ate, so that is a good thing, right?
I know I'm not going to convince anyone (including myself) that it was a good choice. It's just really hard to feel guilty when I am actually feeling very content. I didn't overeat, I had two pieces and a few chips. But it was unhealthy, I know.
If this was sugar people would say it's because I am addicted and fed my addiction. Can you be addicted to fat and salt? My comfort foods/trigger foods always contain these elements. Chips, cheezles, Doritos, fried chicken, hot chips. Crunchy is best.
Report card:
Diet: Poor.
Exercise: Poor.
Water: Great.
Sleep: Good.
Mental health: Bad, then good.
Wednesday, April 8, 2015
Sore muscles
Wednesday:
Today I could barely walk. Lowering myself into a sitting position was difficult, getting up even worse. Going down stairs! I think it was all those squats yesterday. I was really busy today (desk work) and didn't have time to go to the gym but planned to do some exercise at home but ended up not. Too sore. Less than 4000 steps today which is really low for me even on a non-exercise day.
Report card:
Diet: Good.
Exercise: Poor.
Water: Poor. Too sore to go and pour myself another drink.
Sleep: Good. Similar to previous nights.
Mental health: Mostly good.
Kind of proud of my sore thigh muscles. Hopefully I'll be able to move a bit more tomorrow.
Today I could barely walk. Lowering myself into a sitting position was difficult, getting up even worse. Going down stairs! I think it was all those squats yesterday. I was really busy today (desk work) and didn't have time to go to the gym but planned to do some exercise at home but ended up not. Too sore. Less than 4000 steps today which is really low for me even on a non-exercise day.
Report card:
Diet: Good.
Exercise: Poor.
Water: Poor. Too sore to go and pour myself another drink.
Sleep: Good. Similar to previous nights.
Mental health: Mostly good.
Kind of proud of my sore thigh muscles. Hopefully I'll be able to move a bit more tomorrow.
Tuesday, April 7, 2015
Zumba!
Tuesday:
I started the day with a great breakfast.
Super lean bacon like that can't really compare to "real" bacon but neither does the calorie count! I got to eat 50 grams of bacon for only 70 calories.
I was a bit worried this morning about my twinging knee, my aching elbow and wrist, my return to sneezes and congestion; I wanted to shake my fist at the universe that doesn't want me to exercise! But after I'd been up a little while I felt fine. Better sleep last night, although it was my usual pattern of waking after a couple of hours and having to be very stern with myself to keep the CPAP on. Did it though. Five hours I think.
My plan was to go to the 10:30 Gymmy PT (Gymmy is my gym's mascot thing, I suppose it is a play on Jimmy) Lite session (for newbies) at the gym, maybe go a bit early and get some elliptical in first. But the internet was down so I ended up being there in time for the 9:30 Zumba session. I used to really like Zumba but the instructor started to take it in a direction I didn't like. She chose all the really aggressive crumping "I want to kill you and/or have sex with you" tracks (yes I don't understand how those two things can go together either). With hand weights. Today I decided to do the class anyway and it turned out there was a different instructor -- I'm hoping permanently not just today, I missed any announcements she might have made at the start -- and she did the kind of Zumba I like, Latin dance moves. They tend to repeat mainly the same tracks each week, changing over to new ones very slowly, so others in the class had likely done them all before several times. I dove in the deep end, luckily I am good at choreography. I got very tired though, the second half was not danced as it should have been danced! My feet refused to move at the appropriate speed. I got a bit of a shock the first time I checked my fitbit to find we were only 20 mins into the 60 min class... not nearly over yet! Heart rate up to 141.
After the class I was dripping sweat and red faced but I enjoyed it - I just would have enjoyed it more if it had been a 30 min class! I decided to try the PT session anyway, it was "only" another 30 mins and I was worried if I didn't do it now I would keep chickening out. There turned out to be only two of us wanting to do it, and the trainer said she was a qualified Personal Trainer but wasn't used to running this boot camp style class so she was just going to take us through a normal PT session. So I still don't know what the Gymmy PT class is actually like, but on the other hand I got a personal trainer almost to myself for half an hour so I'm not complaining! It was me and another woman who was a bit fitter than me but not so much that we couldn't do much the same things - she just held heavier weights. We did a standard sort of circuit with squats and bicep curls and wall push-ups and all that stuff. Not what I call fun, but it was good work out and very different to the Zumba cardio that I had just done. The only thing I couldn't do was sit-ups and she got me to do a different exercise where I was on my hands and knees and lifted alternate arm and leg and stretched them out while sucking in my stomach.
After the 30 minutes, two full circuits, the trainer said she was still available if we wanted more. The other lady said yes but I was totally spent! I was starting to feel a bit nauseated and just completely exhausted. So the trainer sent me off to do a 5 min cooldown on the bike (which I did very very slowly) then had my shower and ate my apple and went to do the grocery shopping (still slowly). I'm feeling a bit sore!
By the time I got home and had some lunch, there was only time to do a bit of reading before going out to pick up the kids. Pouring rain today (usually the kids walk home but they didn't take umbrellas today) and freezing cold. I really enjoyed some soup for my afternoon snack. Who would have thought cauliflower would make such nice soup? Yes, ok, the cream probably helps. I'm not too worried about a bit of cream in my soup after 100 minutes of intense exercise this morning! And for dinner I had barramundi (white fish) with salad and potato. I don't really like fish, I have it occasionally when I am feeling particularly virtuous. Salmon and barramundi are the least objectionable. Aiden quite likes it, but Tim and Jasmine refuse to eat it at all and I have to cook them something else!
With a couple of nibbles at my chocolate egg, I'm still under 1500 calories for the day. And I've drunk all my water for the day.
Report card:
Diet: Good.
Exercise: Fantastic!
Water: Great.
Sleep: Good.
Mental health: Mostly good.
I started the day with a great breakfast.
I was a bit worried this morning about my twinging knee, my aching elbow and wrist, my return to sneezes and congestion; I wanted to shake my fist at the universe that doesn't want me to exercise! But after I'd been up a little while I felt fine. Better sleep last night, although it was my usual pattern of waking after a couple of hours and having to be very stern with myself to keep the CPAP on. Did it though. Five hours I think.
My plan was to go to the 10:30 Gymmy PT (Gymmy is my gym's mascot thing, I suppose it is a play on Jimmy) Lite session (for newbies) at the gym, maybe go a bit early and get some elliptical in first. But the internet was down so I ended up being there in time for the 9:30 Zumba session. I used to really like Zumba but the instructor started to take it in a direction I didn't like. She chose all the really aggressive crumping "I want to kill you and/or have sex with you" tracks (yes I don't understand how those two things can go together either). With hand weights. Today I decided to do the class anyway and it turned out there was a different instructor -- I'm hoping permanently not just today, I missed any announcements she might have made at the start -- and she did the kind of Zumba I like, Latin dance moves. They tend to repeat mainly the same tracks each week, changing over to new ones very slowly, so others in the class had likely done them all before several times. I dove in the deep end, luckily I am good at choreography. I got very tired though, the second half was not danced as it should have been danced! My feet refused to move at the appropriate speed. I got a bit of a shock the first time I checked my fitbit to find we were only 20 mins into the 60 min class... not nearly over yet! Heart rate up to 141.
After the class I was dripping sweat and red faced but I enjoyed it - I just would have enjoyed it more if it had been a 30 min class! I decided to try the PT session anyway, it was "only" another 30 mins and I was worried if I didn't do it now I would keep chickening out. There turned out to be only two of us wanting to do it, and the trainer said she was a qualified Personal Trainer but wasn't used to running this boot camp style class so she was just going to take us through a normal PT session. So I still don't know what the Gymmy PT class is actually like, but on the other hand I got a personal trainer almost to myself for half an hour so I'm not complaining! It was me and another woman who was a bit fitter than me but not so much that we couldn't do much the same things - she just held heavier weights. We did a standard sort of circuit with squats and bicep curls and wall push-ups and all that stuff. Not what I call fun, but it was good work out and very different to the Zumba cardio that I had just done. The only thing I couldn't do was sit-ups and she got me to do a different exercise where I was on my hands and knees and lifted alternate arm and leg and stretched them out while sucking in my stomach.
After the 30 minutes, two full circuits, the trainer said she was still available if we wanted more. The other lady said yes but I was totally spent! I was starting to feel a bit nauseated and just completely exhausted. So the trainer sent me off to do a 5 min cooldown on the bike (which I did very very slowly) then had my shower and ate my apple and went to do the grocery shopping (still slowly). I'm feeling a bit sore!
By the time I got home and had some lunch, there was only time to do a bit of reading before going out to pick up the kids. Pouring rain today (usually the kids walk home but they didn't take umbrellas today) and freezing cold. I really enjoyed some soup for my afternoon snack. Who would have thought cauliflower would make such nice soup? Yes, ok, the cream probably helps. I'm not too worried about a bit of cream in my soup after 100 minutes of intense exercise this morning! And for dinner I had barramundi (white fish) with salad and potato. I don't really like fish, I have it occasionally when I am feeling particularly virtuous. Salmon and barramundi are the least objectionable. Aiden quite likes it, but Tim and Jasmine refuse to eat it at all and I have to cook them something else!
With a couple of nibbles at my chocolate egg, I'm still under 1500 calories for the day. And I've drunk all my water for the day.
Report card:
Diet: Good.
Exercise: Fantastic!
Water: Great.
Sleep: Good.
Mental health: Mostly good.
Monday, April 6, 2015
End of month two
Monday:
It was my dietbet weigh-out for this month this morning. I wasn't even close to making it, in fact I put back on weight I lost in the first month. I'm feeling back on track right now, but I need to make sure I don't make the same mistakes I obviously made. So what were they?
The main problem was that we had things going on for five weekends in a row, the whole period of this second month of dietbet. Some were happy and involved celebratory food; niece's birthday, husband's birthday, sister-in-law's birthday, Easter. Some were sad and took focus away from my personal battles; clearing out mum's house, my aunt's sudden death. We travelled to Sydney three times, involving fast food on the road and restaurants or eating at other people's houses when there. We had a house full of guests one whole weekend, which meant I included desserts and unhealthy snacks to be a good host. I'm not saying my weekdays were perfect either, but the weekends were the big downfall.
This particular busy pattern is not going to happen that often, but parties and travelling and visitors are still fairly regular events in my life so I need to deal with them without relying on junk food. One step would be to go back to having a picnic on the way to Sydney so at least we only have fast food one way instead of both (sometimes we can time it to avoid meals on the road, but often not). Another is to just choose healthier options, wherever I am. If there is no choice, just eat a bit less. And when I have visitors, I need to offer some more healthy options. I do cook proper meals, but then I add high-calorie dessert, and supper and between meals. I'm not doing anyone any favours. I do feel like I need to offer all these extra foods, they get gobbled down and if I don't put anything out I get asked for something, so I need to work harder at what I serve. I'm not the boss of what other people eat, but I could offer options, including things I can safely eat.
It is so much easier to stay on track when I don't have all these distractions from my regular routine. I'm hoping this month will be easier.
I was brave and foolhardy this morning and tried oats with vegemite to make them savoury instead of sweet. Disgusting. And I love vegemite! I had looked it up online and found one reference to someone trying it but they didn't comment on how it tasted. Well, yuck. I went back to the old way.
I had a very restless night. Not sure why, except I was a little sore from all the exercise. I woke after about three hours and 45 minutes with the CPAP and cursed Fogdog. Fogdog, does your wife know I regularly think about you at night in bed? I really wanted to take the stupid CPAP off but I couldn't because it hadn't been four hours, Fogdog's suggested minimum time. I kept the annoying mask on and managed to get back to sleep. Total six and a half hours with the CPAP, but restless both with and without it.
Food was good today. I made cauliflower soup for lunch and chicken fajitas with lots of salad for dinner. Only a little (25 grams) chocolate in the afternoon. I tracked everything, total 1366 calories and I burned off more than that.
I did an hour of Fantasia after breakfast so I got my exercise in early. In the afternoon I had some reading to do - I have to finish and critique this book by Wednesday night. So I spent a lot of time sitting reading, but broke it up by getting up three times and doing a little Dance Central to get the blood flowing. Total of about 40 minutes dance. I'm actually a little disappointed that I'm under 2 hours exercise for the day but I'm not going to do any more as I'm a bit worried about my knee. I got up during the night, half asleep, and over-straightened it somehow as I put my weight on it. It didn't hurt too much, but today I've done the same thing seven or eight times and it hurts a bit more each time. I'm hoping a good night's rest will fix it.
Report card:
Diet: Good.
Exercise: Great.
Water: Great.
Sleep: Good. I didn't actually sleep well but I used the CPAP.
Mental health: Mostly good.
Better and better!
It was my dietbet weigh-out for this month this morning. I wasn't even close to making it, in fact I put back on weight I lost in the first month. I'm feeling back on track right now, but I need to make sure I don't make the same mistakes I obviously made. So what were they?
The main problem was that we had things going on for five weekends in a row, the whole period of this second month of dietbet. Some were happy and involved celebratory food; niece's birthday, husband's birthday, sister-in-law's birthday, Easter. Some were sad and took focus away from my personal battles; clearing out mum's house, my aunt's sudden death. We travelled to Sydney three times, involving fast food on the road and restaurants or eating at other people's houses when there. We had a house full of guests one whole weekend, which meant I included desserts and unhealthy snacks to be a good host. I'm not saying my weekdays were perfect either, but the weekends were the big downfall.
This particular busy pattern is not going to happen that often, but parties and travelling and visitors are still fairly regular events in my life so I need to deal with them without relying on junk food. One step would be to go back to having a picnic on the way to Sydney so at least we only have fast food one way instead of both (sometimes we can time it to avoid meals on the road, but often not). Another is to just choose healthier options, wherever I am. If there is no choice, just eat a bit less. And when I have visitors, I need to offer some more healthy options. I do cook proper meals, but then I add high-calorie dessert, and supper and between meals. I'm not doing anyone any favours. I do feel like I need to offer all these extra foods, they get gobbled down and if I don't put anything out I get asked for something, so I need to work harder at what I serve. I'm not the boss of what other people eat, but I could offer options, including things I can safely eat.
It is so much easier to stay on track when I don't have all these distractions from my regular routine. I'm hoping this month will be easier.
I was brave and foolhardy this morning and tried oats with vegemite to make them savoury instead of sweet. Disgusting. And I love vegemite! I had looked it up online and found one reference to someone trying it but they didn't comment on how it tasted. Well, yuck. I went back to the old way.
I had a very restless night. Not sure why, except I was a little sore from all the exercise. I woke after about three hours and 45 minutes with the CPAP and cursed Fogdog. Fogdog, does your wife know I regularly think about you at night in bed? I really wanted to take the stupid CPAP off but I couldn't because it hadn't been four hours, Fogdog's suggested minimum time. I kept the annoying mask on and managed to get back to sleep. Total six and a half hours with the CPAP, but restless both with and without it.
Food was good today. I made cauliflower soup for lunch and chicken fajitas with lots of salad for dinner. Only a little (25 grams) chocolate in the afternoon. I tracked everything, total 1366 calories and I burned off more than that.
I did an hour of Fantasia after breakfast so I got my exercise in early. In the afternoon I had some reading to do - I have to finish and critique this book by Wednesday night. So I spent a lot of time sitting reading, but broke it up by getting up three times and doing a little Dance Central to get the blood flowing. Total of about 40 minutes dance. I'm actually a little disappointed that I'm under 2 hours exercise for the day but I'm not going to do any more as I'm a bit worried about my knee. I got up during the night, half asleep, and over-straightened it somehow as I put my weight on it. It didn't hurt too much, but today I've done the same thing seven or eight times and it hurts a bit more each time. I'm hoping a good night's rest will fix it.
Report card:
Diet: Good.
Exercise: Great.
Water: Great.
Sleep: Good. I didn't actually sleep well but I used the CPAP.
Mental health: Mostly good.
Better and better!
Sunday, April 5, 2015
Happy Easter
Sunday:
The kids woke us when it was still a bit dark, ready to hunt for Easter Eggs. Sure enough, the Easter Bunny had left plenty of chocolate plus some Easter-themed lollies because my son doesn't like chocolate much. I collected a few, but let the kids get most of it. We also give each other a big egg or bunny (or both). Here is my Easter loot:
The kids had some straight away but I couldn't face chocolate first thing in the morning. Tim and I went back to bed for a while. Meals have been fairly normal today except for dinner, but with lots of nibbles of chocolate between meals instead of my usual fruit. I ended up eating about 50g of chocolate (250 calories), which isn't all that much. And roast pork with crackling. Plus the dessert which had about a million calories (croissants soaked in mainly cream, with raspberries and Toblerone chocolate, then baked. I suppose it's a fancy bread-and-butter pudding). It was tricky moderating the kids' intake, not because I'm mean but because I know what happens! Aiden had a bit of a meltdown just before lunch. His little body just can't handle that much sugar with impunity. I'm making sure they eat real food as well, and after today they will only be having very limited amounts of treats each day.
Daylight Savings ended here last night so everything is a bit out today. It will take a few days to get used to. We will get to sleep in, though, and it will go back to being light when we get up - at least for a while. The weather has turned towards winter.
Straight after breakfast I started Fantasia. In the 45 minutes I finished the storyline and saved the universe from the evil noise pollution! I still have plenty to do, songs I haven't conquered and some I have only just unlocked and haven't even tried yet. But I've finished the plot of the game, which involves being apprenticed to a wizard and clearing each realm of "the noise" by mastering various songs. I would have kept playing but we'd arranged to meet some friends at the playground at the Arboretum.
The playground was pretty crowded but included more friends who happened to be there at the same time. I started by going for a walk while Tim supervised Jasmine on the equipment. Not that either child really needs supervision at their age. Aiden came with me, he had noticed the steep hill cut into big steps (each about 2 metres high) and wanted to climb on it. So we walked all the way down the hill, me on the path and him scrambling down the grass "steps" and then we went back up, both on the steps. Each one was taller than I am and at a very steep incline. I don't think they are actually there to be climbed on! But very tempting. I only touched down with a hand once, but jogged up each one leaning right forward and with my arms spread wide for balance. I threw myself into it each time, bounding up with a little run-up. Then a short rest walking on the flat area before the next one. I'm not sure how many steps, 15-20. My fitbit counted 14 flights of stairs from the bottom to the top. My heart rate got up to 143 and I was gasping for air! I probably looked like a tomato too, I go very red in the face. Near the top I didn't think I could finish but made myself go on. Never give up, never surrender! Aiden ran up each one, hardly noticing. The stamina of the young! It took about 25 minutes down and back. It was fun. And exhausting. And sweaty. And then I sat and talked to my friends until it was time to go home and have lunch.
After lunch I spent a long time catching up on reading blogs and dietbet forums, but then got up and did some more Fantasia. I selected some songs that had been unlocked but weren't part of the storyline so I hadn't done them; like David Bowie's Ziggy Stardust and Lady Gaga's Applause. Another hour! That is over two hours of exercise today! I think I have well and truly earned my chocolate.
In the late afternoon (pre-evening or prevening as Sheldon would say) Tim took the kids to see the SpongeBob movie. I had to stay home to start dinner, but didn't mind at all. A nice bit of quiet at home! It's not one of the movies I want to see. It's school holidays in a week and I'll take them to see a couple, probably Home and Cinderella. Tim was not at all impressed with SpongeBob but the kids loved it. They are the target demographic, after all.
I only kept the CPAP on for four hours last night. My nostrils got very sore. It's like getting used to new shoes, it gets worse before it gets better. Still keeping to that four hour minimum. And, as you can tell by my increase in exercise, I have more energy already. Love that restful sleep!
I haven't been tracking my food for a few weeks, I plan to start doing that again tomorrow. Keep a handle on my chocolate intake!
Report card:
Diet: Poor. Celebration day.
Exercise: Excellent!
Water: Excellent! More than eight glasses.
Sleep: Good.
Mental health: Great.
The kids woke us when it was still a bit dark, ready to hunt for Easter Eggs. Sure enough, the Easter Bunny had left plenty of chocolate plus some Easter-themed lollies because my son doesn't like chocolate much. I collected a few, but let the kids get most of it. We also give each other a big egg or bunny (or both). Here is my Easter loot:
The kids had some straight away but I couldn't face chocolate first thing in the morning. Tim and I went back to bed for a while. Meals have been fairly normal today except for dinner, but with lots of nibbles of chocolate between meals instead of my usual fruit. I ended up eating about 50g of chocolate (250 calories), which isn't all that much. And roast pork with crackling. Plus the dessert which had about a million calories (croissants soaked in mainly cream, with raspberries and Toblerone chocolate, then baked. I suppose it's a fancy bread-and-butter pudding). It was tricky moderating the kids' intake, not because I'm mean but because I know what happens! Aiden had a bit of a meltdown just before lunch. His little body just can't handle that much sugar with impunity. I'm making sure they eat real food as well, and after today they will only be having very limited amounts of treats each day.
Daylight Savings ended here last night so everything is a bit out today. It will take a few days to get used to. We will get to sleep in, though, and it will go back to being light when we get up - at least for a while. The weather has turned towards winter.
Straight after breakfast I started Fantasia. In the 45 minutes I finished the storyline and saved the universe from the evil noise pollution! I still have plenty to do, songs I haven't conquered and some I have only just unlocked and haven't even tried yet. But I've finished the plot of the game, which involves being apprenticed to a wizard and clearing each realm of "the noise" by mastering various songs. I would have kept playing but we'd arranged to meet some friends at the playground at the Arboretum.
The playground was pretty crowded but included more friends who happened to be there at the same time. I started by going for a walk while Tim supervised Jasmine on the equipment. Not that either child really needs supervision at their age. Aiden came with me, he had noticed the steep hill cut into big steps (each about 2 metres high) and wanted to climb on it. So we walked all the way down the hill, me on the path and him scrambling down the grass "steps" and then we went back up, both on the steps. Each one was taller than I am and at a very steep incline. I don't think they are actually there to be climbed on! But very tempting. I only touched down with a hand once, but jogged up each one leaning right forward and with my arms spread wide for balance. I threw myself into it each time, bounding up with a little run-up. Then a short rest walking on the flat area before the next one. I'm not sure how many steps, 15-20. My fitbit counted 14 flights of stairs from the bottom to the top. My heart rate got up to 143 and I was gasping for air! I probably looked like a tomato too, I go very red in the face. Near the top I didn't think I could finish but made myself go on. Never give up, never surrender! Aiden ran up each one, hardly noticing. The stamina of the young! It took about 25 minutes down and back. It was fun. And exhausting. And sweaty. And then I sat and talked to my friends until it was time to go home and have lunch.
After lunch I spent a long time catching up on reading blogs and dietbet forums, but then got up and did some more Fantasia. I selected some songs that had been unlocked but weren't part of the storyline so I hadn't done them; like David Bowie's Ziggy Stardust and Lady Gaga's Applause. Another hour! That is over two hours of exercise today! I think I have well and truly earned my chocolate.
In the late afternoon (pre-evening or prevening as Sheldon would say) Tim took the kids to see the SpongeBob movie. I had to stay home to start dinner, but didn't mind at all. A nice bit of quiet at home! It's not one of the movies I want to see. It's school holidays in a week and I'll take them to see a couple, probably Home and Cinderella. Tim was not at all impressed with SpongeBob but the kids loved it. They are the target demographic, after all.
I only kept the CPAP on for four hours last night. My nostrils got very sore. It's like getting used to new shoes, it gets worse before it gets better. Still keeping to that four hour minimum. And, as you can tell by my increase in exercise, I have more energy already. Love that restful sleep!
I haven't been tracking my food for a few weeks, I plan to start doing that again tomorrow. Keep a handle on my chocolate intake!
Report card:
Diet: Poor. Celebration day.
Exercise: Excellent!
Water: Excellent! More than eight glasses.
Sleep: Good.
Mental health: Great.
Saturday, April 4, 2015
Nice report card today
Saturday:
We spent part of the morning housecleaning so the Easter Bunny doesn't trip over something and break a leg when he visits tonight. I had planned to go to the gym this afternoon but unfortunately Tim got called in to work for a few hours, leaving me without a car or a babysitter. No problems, I did some Fantasia and kept at it for over an hour. The muscles in my shoulders are feeling it.
I've been looking at my gym's timetable, thinking about going back to doing classes. It has evolved over the years. There used to be a lot of Step and aerobic classes. Then BodyPump became popular, and later Zumba. Those are both still around, but the new favourite at my gym is PT HIIT - small groups with a personal trainer. They use special equipment stations and do boot camp stuff like flipping tractor tyres. At the end of last year there were a couple of classes a week, now there is a couple every day. And with times for beginners. So my plan is to gather my courage and try it on Tuesday. I might also do some Pump and Zumba, I used to like both of those. For some reason I've been avoiding classes lately, but I'm feeling ready now.
Last night I kept the CPAP on for six hours - increasing night by night. Again, I woke after about three but kept it on. My nose was pretty sore by the end of six but I will get used to that in a few more nights. Doing well on my resolution.
Report card:
Diet: Good-ish. There may have been some cream sauce on the broccoli. And a few lollies. But mostly good-ish.
Exercise: Good.
Water: Good, one glass to go.
Sleep: Good.
Mental health: Good.
What a nice report!
We spent part of the morning housecleaning so the Easter Bunny doesn't trip over something and break a leg when he visits tonight. I had planned to go to the gym this afternoon but unfortunately Tim got called in to work for a few hours, leaving me without a car or a babysitter. No problems, I did some Fantasia and kept at it for over an hour. The muscles in my shoulders are feeling it.
I've been looking at my gym's timetable, thinking about going back to doing classes. It has evolved over the years. There used to be a lot of Step and aerobic classes. Then BodyPump became popular, and later Zumba. Those are both still around, but the new favourite at my gym is PT HIIT - small groups with a personal trainer. They use special equipment stations and do boot camp stuff like flipping tractor tyres. At the end of last year there were a couple of classes a week, now there is a couple every day. And with times for beginners. So my plan is to gather my courage and try it on Tuesday. I might also do some Pump and Zumba, I used to like both of those. For some reason I've been avoiding classes lately, but I'm feeling ready now.
Last night I kept the CPAP on for six hours - increasing night by night. Again, I woke after about three but kept it on. My nose was pretty sore by the end of six but I will get used to that in a few more nights. Doing well on my resolution.
Report card:
Diet: Good-ish. There may have been some cream sauce on the broccoli. And a few lollies. But mostly good-ish.
Exercise: Good.
Water: Good, one glass to go.
Sleep: Good.
Mental health: Good.
What a nice report!
Friday, April 3, 2015
Good Friday Pinata
Friday:
I had a piñata prepared that I didn't end up using a few weeks ago, so I decided we would use it today. The four of us bashed at it, and even after we got the lollies, Aiden kept going until it was completely dismembered. Then the kids used the legs as colourful shoes. We had three lollies each then the rest went into the bags we are going to use when hunting eggs on Sunday. The way we deal with any large influx of lollies, like party bags or Christmas, is that the kids are generally allowed two pieces each day (after school). On the down side, there are periods when they have lollies every day for weeks. But they never have a lot at once, and hopefully they are learning about moderation. I don't know if it will work. I remember the frustration of having junk food withheld or moderated when I was a child. It just made me think about it more. But my kids seem to accept the rule.
I did some Dance in the morning. I chose my daughter's Disney disc. It has some nice music. The choreography is a lot simpler than the adult ones, but just as energetic.
I tried a new recipe for dinner. Unfortunately it wasn't great. I ate the chicken but left most of the rest. Then afterwards we all went cruising round the kitchen for more food. I had ice cream then cashews. I don't like when recipes don't work out, of course, but it's good to try new things. Sometimes they become new favourites.
I used my CPAP for five hours last night. I woke after three, but bravely kept it on and managed to get back to sleep.
Report card:
Diet: Poor. High calorie all day.
Exercise: Good.
Water: Terrible.
Sleep: Good.
Mental health: Good.
Thursday, April 2, 2015
Oxygen is good
Thursday:
Yesterday I gave my CPAP a thorough clean and went to bed feeling ready to breathe in that life-giving air. Turned it on, lay down, a few breaths later I was gasping for air. Not enough oxygen! Suffocating! It's such a horrible feeling. I checked the machine, all the connections and settings, air was definitely coming out the nose holes so why did I feel like I was drowning? This happened a few weeks ago too, first time back after a break, and I eventually had to give up that time but it was fine the next night. What on earth was going on? I was sure it wasn't psychological, I really wasn't getting enough oxygen.
I sat there turning it on (and off!) a few more times trying to calmly work it out. And I realised that I couldn't feel any air being released from the mask when I breathed out. If you've never used a CPAP, and I hope you never have to, when you breathe out the expelled air doesn't go back down the tube, it gets released through little vents or a fine mesh or something. But in my case, it wasn't being expelled. And if it was going back down the tube then I was just breathing the same air back in over and over, explaining the drop in oxygen and the feeling of suffocation. But why now? And that other time too? It wasn't dusty, I just washed it... with detergent. There you go. Most days I just rinse the nose pillows under a running tap, but this time I gave it the full thorough clean. Although I rinsed it, I'm thinking the detergent made an invisible film over the mesh that stopped air getting out. I blew hard on the mesh a couple of times and rubbed it clean. And voila. I could breathe again.
Once I eventually got to sleep I slept solidly for about four hours then woke and took the CPAP off because it was causing an unpleasant tickle in my throat making me cough. Still residual effect of my cold, it will get better. I think four hours is a good start, and Fogdog suggested a four hour minimum which I think is sensible.
I went for a short walk today which included a brief jog to get to a gate before the elderly janitor got there and locked it. And I was absolutely fine. All better. The gym is closed tomorrow for Good Friday so I'll do some exercise at home, then start back at the gym on Saturday.
I ate one bad thing today I was inclined to think of that as making the whole day a fail, but actually I did well the rest of the day. I did the grocery shopping for the long weekend and the trolley was filled with fresh meat and vegetables and fruit. I bought hot cross buns for my husband and daughter, I don't like them. I did get ingredients for one dessert, but nothing else unhealthy. I didn't write off the whole long weekend because of Easter. So that is pretty impressive actually! I will certainly be eating chocolate on Easter Sunday, but it won't be a four day free-for-all.
Report card:
Diet: Mostly good.
Exercise: Good. Ready for more.
Water: Poor.
Sleep: Good start.
Mental health: Bad then good. I need to give myself credit sometimes for the good and focus less on the bad.
Yay for the long weekend!
Yesterday I gave my CPAP a thorough clean and went to bed feeling ready to breathe in that life-giving air. Turned it on, lay down, a few breaths later I was gasping for air. Not enough oxygen! Suffocating! It's such a horrible feeling. I checked the machine, all the connections and settings, air was definitely coming out the nose holes so why did I feel like I was drowning? This happened a few weeks ago too, first time back after a break, and I eventually had to give up that time but it was fine the next night. What on earth was going on? I was sure it wasn't psychological, I really wasn't getting enough oxygen.
I sat there turning it on (and off!) a few more times trying to calmly work it out. And I realised that I couldn't feel any air being released from the mask when I breathed out. If you've never used a CPAP, and I hope you never have to, when you breathe out the expelled air doesn't go back down the tube, it gets released through little vents or a fine mesh or something. But in my case, it wasn't being expelled. And if it was going back down the tube then I was just breathing the same air back in over and over, explaining the drop in oxygen and the feeling of suffocation. But why now? And that other time too? It wasn't dusty, I just washed it... with detergent. There you go. Most days I just rinse the nose pillows under a running tap, but this time I gave it the full thorough clean. Although I rinsed it, I'm thinking the detergent made an invisible film over the mesh that stopped air getting out. I blew hard on the mesh a couple of times and rubbed it clean. And voila. I could breathe again.
Once I eventually got to sleep I slept solidly for about four hours then woke and took the CPAP off because it was causing an unpleasant tickle in my throat making me cough. Still residual effect of my cold, it will get better. I think four hours is a good start, and Fogdog suggested a four hour minimum which I think is sensible.
I went for a short walk today which included a brief jog to get to a gate before the elderly janitor got there and locked it. And I was absolutely fine. All better. The gym is closed tomorrow for Good Friday so I'll do some exercise at home, then start back at the gym on Saturday.
I ate one bad thing today I was inclined to think of that as making the whole day a fail, but actually I did well the rest of the day. I did the grocery shopping for the long weekend and the trolley was filled with fresh meat and vegetables and fruit. I bought hot cross buns for my husband and daughter, I don't like them. I did get ingredients for one dessert, but nothing else unhealthy. I didn't write off the whole long weekend because of Easter. So that is pretty impressive actually! I will certainly be eating chocolate on Easter Sunday, but it won't be a four day free-for-all.
Report card:
Diet: Mostly good.
Exercise: Good. Ready for more.
Water: Poor.
Sleep: Good start.
Mental health: Bad then good. I need to give myself credit sometimes for the good and focus less on the bad.
Yay for the long weekend!
Wednesday, April 1, 2015
April resolution
Wednesday:
Whenever I think about making resolutions I want to cover every aspect of life. I start with making one but then think of a million more. I promise to eat perfectly/exercise every day/drink enough/write every day/keep a perfectly clean house/be a perfect wife and mother and person etc. But I am going to make one - only one - resolution for April. I am going to use my CPAP every night this month. The only acceptable excuse is sickness, like the very runny nose I've just got over or nausea (which is made worse by air blowing up my nose, for some reason). No other excuse will do. Not travelling (the CPAP is portable), not "it's too hot" (luckily nights are getting cooler here) and certainly not "can't be bothered".
Sleep is the foundation, for me, for everything else. When I'm tired I made poor choices, I give in to food cravings, I don't want to exercise, I can't think clearly to write creatively, I get snappy and irritable and unhappy. And, of course, sleep apnoea is dangerous for my health. When I get more sleep, everything else is much easier. So why do I ever resist wearing it? Because I have enough trouble getting to sleep even without having something strapped to my face, because it was very sweaty all through summer, because I can be lazy and want to avoid unpleasantness in the now even though it has bad consequences.
But this is my promise to myself. I will wear it every night in April. The sleep part of my report card will be about how well I do on this front - how long I keep it on during the night.
I will still be working on all my other goals. But sleep is my primary objective.
I forgot to weigh myself this morning, I usually use Wednesday as my weekly weigh-in. There is less than a week to go on this month's dietbet and there is no chance I will meet the goal, but I am not letting that worry me. Just forging on towards next month.
I went for two short walks today (total about half an hour). I still found it a bit tiring and my heart rate went up more than it usually would for a short stroll, but better than yesterday. And my resting heart rate is back down to normal, it's been way up all week just sitting around. I'll keep just doing a little more each day, not too strenuous yet. Feeling much better.
Report card:
Diet: Ok. Still having an afternoon slump, when I get tired, and I eat my way through it.
Exercise: Good.
Water: Poor.
Sleep (last night): Ok.
Mental health: Good.
Whenever I think about making resolutions I want to cover every aspect of life. I start with making one but then think of a million more. I promise to eat perfectly/exercise every day/drink enough/write every day/keep a perfectly clean house/be a perfect wife and mother and person etc. But I am going to make one - only one - resolution for April. I am going to use my CPAP every night this month. The only acceptable excuse is sickness, like the very runny nose I've just got over or nausea (which is made worse by air blowing up my nose, for some reason). No other excuse will do. Not travelling (the CPAP is portable), not "it's too hot" (luckily nights are getting cooler here) and certainly not "can't be bothered".
Sleep is the foundation, for me, for everything else. When I'm tired I made poor choices, I give in to food cravings, I don't want to exercise, I can't think clearly to write creatively, I get snappy and irritable and unhappy. And, of course, sleep apnoea is dangerous for my health. When I get more sleep, everything else is much easier. So why do I ever resist wearing it? Because I have enough trouble getting to sleep even without having something strapped to my face, because it was very sweaty all through summer, because I can be lazy and want to avoid unpleasantness in the now even though it has bad consequences.
But this is my promise to myself. I will wear it every night in April. The sleep part of my report card will be about how well I do on this front - how long I keep it on during the night.
I will still be working on all my other goals. But sleep is my primary objective.
I forgot to weigh myself this morning, I usually use Wednesday as my weekly weigh-in. There is less than a week to go on this month's dietbet and there is no chance I will meet the goal, but I am not letting that worry me. Just forging on towards next month.
I went for two short walks today (total about half an hour). I still found it a bit tiring and my heart rate went up more than it usually would for a short stroll, but better than yesterday. And my resting heart rate is back down to normal, it's been way up all week just sitting around. I'll keep just doing a little more each day, not too strenuous yet. Feeling much better.
Report card:
Diet: Ok. Still having an afternoon slump, when I get tired, and I eat my way through it.
Exercise: Good.
Water: Poor.
Sleep (last night): Ok.
Mental health: Good.
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