Stress

Thursday:

Still really struggling with my mood today. Part of it of course is about my weight. I'd kind of been trying to buoy myself up a bit by telling myself that part of my gain was water weight that would quickly drop off with a couple of days of low carb/high water intake. Wrong. I guess it's just fat. I have lost a few hundred grams, quite reasonable for two days of eating clean, but nothing like my water weight hopes. The fat will come off, I know, if I keep persevering.

A big part of my stress at the moment is coming from the whole issue of moving house. We have lived here for 15 years and my husband has a secure well-paid job that is pretty specific to this city, our nation's capital. Most of our family lives in Sydney, where we both grew up, which is three to four hours away depending on which part. We've wanted to move back there for a while, and with the money from my mum we can afford it (house prices there are the highest in Australia and going up all the time). Ironically, moving there is no longer so urgent for me now that mum has died.

The problem is that there are no jobs in Sydney for Tim at his level. Almost no jobs in his area at all. He saw one this weekend he could apply for. The salary was less than half what he is getting now. Less than half! Even if he got the job - and I assume the competition would be fierce with so little available - do we want to move to a more expensive city with a lot less money coming in? I don't think that is an option.

Our current house is getting a bit small for us, and needs a lot of work because we've done nothing to maintain it over the years. So what do we do? Fix up this house a bit and sit here until a better job becomes available in Sydney, maybe years down the track? Do major renovations like three of our friends are doing right now, with all the expense and hassle that entails? Fix it up and sell it, buying a bigger house in the same city so Tim can keep his job, but moving away from the kids' school and friends without the benefit of being nearer family?

The other big problem is my husband works very long hours and has so much stress that he had to go on high blood pressure medication. Stress is the only issue, as far as we know, he exercises a lot and isn't overweight. It's just his job. And he gets home late every night. I'd love him to change jobs, if he could find one, to something less stressful and demanding - but not quite down to less than half his current pay!

Unless we did a complete seachange. Live quietly in a little town somewhere with much less money and much less stress. I don't think that is going to happen.

So. We just don't know what we are going to do. All a bit stressful.

I also has a really restless night for no apparent reason. But sometimes I think my mood isn't controlled by outer circumstances, just influenced by them. Maybe I just woke up on the sad side of the bed.

The kids went straight to their Lego after breakfast and I barely saw them to lunchtime. I didn't even make them get dressed, they were perfectly happy with lots of giggles and imaginative play. They play so well together. I read. We made little pizzas for lunch, then in the afternoon went to an indoor playground next to the airport. It was a lovely autumn day but that was what the kids chose, and I was happy to sit and read and rest my foot. Jumping castle and slides and vertical tunnels and a ball pit for the little ones. We were there for three hours, and the last people there! Then picked up Tim from work and went out for Chinese for dinner.

Report card:
Diet: Poor. Doughnut AND chips at the play land, Chinese for dinner (not too much, but very salty and probably had sugar too). I had struggled with cravings all morning due to sad mood, and gave in a bit in the afternoon.
Exercise: Nil, but I think this was a good choice. My foot feels much better after sitting around all day.
Water: Poor.
Sleep: Good in the sense of sticking to my CPAP goals. But a bad night.
Mental health: Pretty bad all day, but I'm actually ending the evening ok. I feel like I got through the day without letting it descend into a disaster. So I ate a few things and didn't drink all my water. I did alright, considering.