As I was going to bed last night I realised that I'd made a commitment to myself to drink my water each day, and I hadn't. It was already late because I'd stayed up to watch the finale of Ink Master. I had a choice, I could chug down two more glasses of water but seriously disrupt my sleep - probably getting up four times in the next couple of hours - or not keep my promise to myself. I ended up deciding that sleep was more important. But I'll make sure to drink my water today and in future.
Since my current focus is sleep and then hydration, I am going to try to worry a bit less about actual weight loss right now. That doesn't mean I'm okaying binge eating or not exercising! But if I'm serious that I need to get a handle on one issue at a time, then I need to accept that I might not lose dramatic amounts of weight right now. I might not make many of my dietbet goals (sad face) although I still want to get the overall six month one. But I am a long term project. I will add specific commitments about exercise and food when I feel more confident about sleep and water. One step at a time. It won't take that long. I started to feel pretty good about my routine to use my CPAP after a couple of weeks. Sometimes I don't want to put it on, but I do anyway. I just know I have to, like I have to brush my teeth even if I'm tired. Last night I slept seven hours straight, barely moving a muscle (although I am pretty tired today, still catching up). I only did three days of great water consumption before yesterday's stumble, obviously I'm not set in that routine yet. I need more time to get into that groove. Then I think exercise will be next, hopefully starting a week from Monday when the kids go back to school and I can go to the gym again. All these things make controlling my food intake that little bit easier. Exercise can make me hungry, but also makes me feel strong and virtuous and unwilling to sabotage what I have just achieved. Water diverts those false hunger signals that are really thirst. And sleep means I don't have to reach for food to keep me awake. Dieting is never easy, but I think it's a bit easier when everything else is under control.
Also need to work on stress, of course. Maybe be more regular with my meditations, which I only do about once a week or less now. And have some long talks with my husband about what we want to do about the whole move situation. And fix my novel so I don't see its now-glaring flaws every time I look at it. I always put "mental health" last on my report card but that doesn't mean I think it is least important, just harder to control. I can't just decide "be happy today". But I think feeling like I have other things in control will help.
I need to decide whether to judge Aurealis again this year, they've asked if I want to. It is a lot of reading, up to two books a week for around nine months. And some of those books are terrible! They include self-published as well as traditional-published. Not that self-published is necessarily bad, sometimes the books are great. Year before last, one won the Fantasy category. Overall, I would say that 25% of submissions are great, 50% are ok, 25% terrible. That is quite a lot of ok and terrible to wade through. And since the ceremony will be over the other side of Australia I won't be going to it, which means less networking will result from being part of it. I need to spend time doing my own writing, and exercising! And I've also committed to the critique group, although that is only one book a month. But still. Maybe. It's a lot of free books, and I am helping out an industry that is very special to me, and having a say in it, and to be honest it makes me feel pretty important!
The kids and I went to see the movie "Home" today and it was really good. It's animated with Jim Parsons (Sheldon) voicing the alien. Mainly funny, but in the scene where the human girl can't find her mother the whole cinema was full of choking sobs. Sniffs and noses blown all over the place. I may have shed a tear or two myself. It was probably all the parents crying. Since having children myself, anything like that really gets to me.
Then grocery shopping, and we congratulated ourselves on a mainly healthy trolley. We did have a treat in the cinema (I had some chocolate) but I'm feeling pretty good about how most of our meals are healthy. We don't get fast food that often. I cook at home nearly every night, and lunches too. Snacking between meals is more of an issue, especially when we are out and about, but at least home is a mainly healthy place, even during school holidays.
You may be able to tell I'm feeling a bit less dismal today! Much better. And my foot seems completely healed now, not a single twinge. I'm ready for a more active weekend. Even if it is going to rain for the next week. Temperatures are dropping, too. It may not snow here but it gets well below freezing at night in winter, and we are starting to feel that chill. Another reason to want to move to more temperate climes!
Had two awkward phone calls with mothers of Jasmine's friends. One yesterday, I know her quite well but I guess I haven't spoken to for a while because she said she hoped my mother was doing better and I had to say she died back in January. The other tonight, I've never met or spoken to the lady before, she called and opened with who she was then said "how are you?" and I said "good, thank you". Pause. Then she said, "I'm good too, thank you." Was she being snarky because I didn't ask or just automatically responding as if I had asked because people usually do? Whoops. I was just kind of waiting to find out what she wanted.
Exercise: Poor. I should have, today, but didn't.
Mental health: Good.