Wednesday, May 11, 2016

Forty four: stress


I really don't handle stress at all well. This saga of the missing piece of Aiden's chest of drawers has been going on for five or six months now, I got myself worked up and called yet again, they are waiting for the part from the warehouse and promised (again) "very soon". A fortnight ago they said "early next week". I really don't know what to do. I've called many times, Tim has called, it goes on and on. I've made a deadline for myself, if it's not fixed by the end of next week I'll demand a refund and complain at the highest level I can find. I know I should have done that months ago, but they keep promising and I keep hoping. I don't really want to return it because it's part of a matching set of furniture, otherwise I wouldn't have let it go on so long. But this is their last chance.

I find standing up for myself extremely stressful. It's lucky there wasn't much in the house to binge eat. I had some two minute noodles and the chocolate I was given for Mothers Day. It's hundreds of calories extra. But I didn't go out and buy myself junk although I really wanted to.

It's it silly what little things make me want to turn to food.

I was also feeling a little down for another silly reason. In my computer game I've been playing for months working towards a particular goal. I generally play for a while after eating lunch, and sometimes in the evening as well. Today I achieved my goal! And almost immediately felt let down. Like, "what now"? All that "work" for a couple of seconds of "yay". Actually that is nonsense. I've really enjoyed playing, it wasn't work in any sense. It's just that getting a congratulatory message on my screen didn't seem quite worth the long build up.

I actually wrote a flash fiction short story once about that exact feeling, a few years ago. It was chosen as one of the ten put in people's show bags at a writing convention. So it seems I've had that  experience before!

B: cheese on toast, tea.
L: bacon.
S: noodles, chocolate.
D: beef casserole, bread roll with butter.

Way too many carbs today.  


  1. One of my daughter (the author one) is a real hard noser when it come to getting what she paid for. She kept sending email, phoning, talking to people up and up in business, until she get what she wants. And she always does! She always get several "NO" or "we will get back to you" (and it never happen) but she doesn't care, she kept pushing.

    I wonder if stress on mundane events is not a mechanism to allow yourself to get off your health path. I think I do that sometimes, things that would otherwise be of no concerns, take too much proportion and I allow myself, junks or wine!

    1. I wouldn't be surprised, I use just about anything to give myself permission to eat the wrong things.