Thursday, September 15, 2011

More binging. Whoops.


So. Binge Tuesday night, good yesterday, then today... It was another scheduled day off exercise so that I had more time to work, and also Tim had the car today and my toe hurt. It's a stupid little "injury", I tore the toenail on my little toe on Monday night. It's all bandaid-ed up but it is a bit sore when it presses against the side of my shoe. So it's a bit uncomfortable when I walk. Mostly better today. In future I don't think I will take both Tuesday and Thursday off because they are almost in a row, only one day of exercise in between. It's a bit impractical in terms of resting my body between days of exercise.

Anyway... so I was home all day, alone, working away at the computer. A bit bored. A bit lonely. Lunchtime turned into a degustation. First things from the diet plan. Then some inoffensive soup. Then some low-calorie but extra-carbs-not-on-plan cruskits. With butter. Finally I raided the cupboard for leftover junk from Tuesday night. Mmmm, chocolate. Quite a lot of it.

When Joe brought a big bag of chocolate treats over on Tuesday and it was clear there would be lots left over for next week, I said "I thought Janet didn't want chocolate in the house."

"That's why I'm leaving them here," he said.

"Oh no no no," I said. "I am on a diet. This is my treat night, but I don't want junk in the house."

"Oh." Crestfallen. "Maybe Brenton can take them home then."

But I changed my mind. I am strong now! I can trust myself! And I put them away in the games cupboard.

I am strong. Most of the time. But not this afternoon. I ate them after the kids got home, so I snuck the scrumptious little treats up to my bedroom to gorge in furtive secrecy.

Looking at my diet checklist, over the past eleven days of this diet I have eaten the most calories on the three days I didn't exercise. That is just wrong. I need to eat less on those days, not more! But I think when I exercise I feel all virtuous and healthy so it is easier to eat healthily. And when I sit at home in front of the computer all day it is easy to get bored and sluggish and go looking for a wake-up from extra calories.

I need a balance between forgiving myself for being human, and not being so casual about overeating that it becomes acceptable. I'm still working on it.

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