Planning ahead

Monday:

I had a much better sleep and was also able to keep the CPAP on all night. Yay! And my eye is almost completely normal. More yay!

I realised I need to plan for Tuesday night supper. During past diet attempts, I have asked people not to bring junk food that I like, or other times we've all decided we need to eat more healthily. But it only lasts a week or two, then the junk returns. None of the others are noticeably overweight, and they are all a lot more active than I am, and I think that games night is their only splurge for the week. So they enjoy it without too much guilt. But obviously it is a problem for me.

As well as providing something healthy, I've decided to allow myself around 200 calories extra to snack on games night. On a couple of other nights a week I'm allowed a small amount of chocolate if I have the calories left, but this will be in addition to the day's regular calories. I don't want to forgo healthy food to save calories so that I can eat unhealthy food. 200 calories isn't a lot, but it's enough to enjoy. I'll wait until everyone has arrived so I can see what is available before I chose, and put it on a plate, and savour it. Apart from that I will stay away from the food as much as possible (not easy, it follows us around) and use my cognitive therapy techniques to avoid going outside my self-imposed rules - using various self-talk methods.

I still have to work on focusing on my food while I am eating. My idea of a dream food binge would be a family size packet of chips of some kind. But would I be concentrating on every mouthful to get maximum enjoyment? Not at all. I'd be in front of the TV with a book as well, seemingly doing everything possible to distract myself from the food. It doesn't make sense. Why eat something supposedly purely for pleasure yet only devote 25% of my attention to it? What a waste! The only answer I've seen is that I know I shouldn't be eating it so I'm distracting myself so I don't feel that guilt. But that reasoning doesn't work when I'm eating a healthy meal. Is food that boring to me? I profess to love it.

So far with the meals I've eaten alone, three lunches, I've managed to get through more than half before caving in and picking up a book. My first draft of that sentence was framed in a negative way (only made it half-way), but then I changed it. I'm practising giving myself credit. I get though more than half-way! That is a big leap from years of turning my mind away from the food I am putting in my mouth. And snacks eaten alone, which don't take as long to eat, have all been eaten mindfully. Real progress.

I did 20 minutes of Zumba at home on the Kinect this afternoon. More progress!! It was on the easiest intensity setting, and I still found it hard work. My legs were burning after 5 minutes! I have a hard time accepting that this is where I am with exercise at the moment. I tend to be a bit all-or-nothing, if it's not an hour of sweat it's not good enough. Any less is not worth the time it takes to get changed into gym clothes, then afterwards shower and change back ... and see where that kind of thinking has got me! Lots of exclamation marks today! Anyway, I am aiming for 30 minutes of exercise a day, in a combination of walking and Kinect games. And if I only have time or fitness for less, then any exercise is better than none. But it looks like 30 minutes is do-able, especially broken up into two sessions over the day. I did a short walk this morning, so I have done 30 minutes today.

The Zumba game told me I had burned 408 calories in 20 minutes. Hah, I wish. 20 calories a minute? Maybe Usaine Bolt does that over his 10 second sprint, I don't know, I certainly don't achieve anything like that. For my own records, I guesstimated 5 calories per minute. Even that might be a bit generous.

It is a bit sad that a year ago I could have done that sweaty hour of dance. But I'll get back there. Daily progress.