I am giving myself so much credit for today, even though I was far from perfect.
Had a horrible night, up three times with Thor and ended up just before dawn with a puppy who wouldn't sleep except on my lap, I was unable to stop crying from exhaustion. I spent the morning cranky, miserable and nauseated, frequently in tears or close to them. I forced myself to eat my usual breakfast at around 10am although I didn't feel like eating. The kids had their swimming lesson while I stayed home with Thor and a broken internet access, then at lunchtime I didn't feel up to cooking my planned food so we had 2 minute noodles. Not a great choice, I know, just empty carbohydrate and salt, but it was that or send my husband out for fast food. And while deep-fried chicken and chips or pizza probably would have had more nutritional value, it also would have had a billion calories. I can't say for sure I made the right choice, but I am calling it a win. I resisted what I considered the worse (and more tempting) option.
Then I did the grocery shopping and bought lots of healthy food. I got some biscuits for family and visitors, but after a brief struggle I bought ones I hate so I wouldn't be tempted. What I did have was a mini bar of chocolate. I had scheduled in a couple of squares to have after dinner today so I just moved that up.
I could easily have said today "I am tired so I NEED junk food," or "I am unhappy so I DESERVE junk food." And then I would have been even more unhappy later. I don't need or deserve what is literally junk.
Tim and the kids made raspberry banana muffins in the afternoon, I didn't have any. Tim offered to make dinner, delicious risotto. My day was very high carb low protein but I was so glad I didn't have to cook. And I finished the day only a few calories over.
I think I negotiated the rapids pretty well, with only a few minor bruises. So many times in the past I went straight to large amounts of unhealthy food to get through a hard day. It's nice to end hard day without an added burden of guilt and shame.
Tonight we are changing our system with Thor, to what you might call controlled crying. It could be worse for a couple of nights, but hopefully better after that. Can't go on like this. Wish me luck.