Cheat meal

Thursday:

I've decided that I don't like the term "cheat meal" - which implies you are doing something naughty even though it is a planned part of your nutrition plan. Or "reward meal" which implies you have somehow earned the right to eat junk. If this six month dietbet is practice for the rest of my life, then it will include eating at restaurants, having the occasional dessert or piece of cake, eating an ice cream on a hot day, and some high-quality chocolate given by people who know I love it. None of which is "cheating" or "reward". It's just part of the balance of an enjoyable life.

But half a pizza because I'm too tired to cook shouldn't really be part of a balanced life. I can make better choices than that.

Another bad night left me pretty dopey today. My exercise was a half-hour walk. I did some work on my book then was too sleepy to keep my eyes open. I lay on the lounge and faded away for a while. Once the kids were home I did very little for the rest of the afternoon. I ate way too much, leaving me with only a couple of hundred calories for dinner. I was tired and couldn't face cooking, and didn't have the car, and pizza is about the only thing that delivers around here. I'm kind of ok with takeaway very occasionally, what I am not ok with is me eating half a pizza. And a piece of garlic bread. And a chocolate lava cake. A horrendous amount of unnecessary calories. I wasn't hungry, I was tired.

I'm not sure if I am, strictly speaking, an emotional eater. Neither happiness nor sadness particularly send me to food, although I think stress might. But boredom definitely does. And what I see again and again is that when I am tired I look to food for energy and lose my sense of when to stop eating.

I don't know what to do other than keep working on my sleep, which I suppose means trying the CPAP again. The weather has cooled a bit which should help. But sleep apnoea isn't my only problem, I also have a lot of trouble getting to sleep and have all my life since early childhood. I feel a bit hopeless about it tonight.

Tim is finishing a huge project at work and got home at midnight last night. I hope he's not so late tonight. He doesn't have my sleep issues, he's asleep when his head hits the pillow, but still he must be tired. He'll be working through most of the weekend but then it should be finished and back to normal.

Report card:
Diet: Terrible. Unhealthy salty food and way over my calorie limit.
Exercise: Fair.
Water: Poor. Only half what I should have had.
Sleep: Poor.
Mental health: Poor. Despondent.

Luckily tomorrow is a new day.