Little promises, and not going anywhere

Wednesday:

I'm not feeling ready for a big push towards becoming perfect in every way, but I can't just drift along as I am and gain a lot of weight. So I am going to make some little promises. It worked before! There is only one week left in June, and I promise that for the next week:

Diet: I will not eat after 8:00pm. This should save me hundreds of calories a day, without sending me into a panic binge about giving up my comfort foods.

Exercise: I will do some deliberate exercise every day, even if it is just a 10 minute walk. I am going to establish a habit of exercising again.

Water: I will drink at least 8 glasses a day. Some days this seems hard but I know that my body doesn't give reliable signals about being thirsty and I need to push myself to do it anyway. When I don't drink enough, I get very dehydrated, my skin dries out, and I think it affects my energy levels.

Sleep: I've been struggling a lot with the new CPAP. At least, it is my own CPAP but with a temporary new brain. For some reason it's been very difficult for me to use it consistently. I have changed the humidity/temperature settings back to what I like (the sleep doctor changed them to stop my throat drying out, but I hated having hot moist air blown up my nose even in winter) but the main difference is that this one has variable pressure - it blows softer or harder depending on what it decides I need at that moment. Last night I decided I just have to make it "no choice" again. Minimum four hours, I'm not allowed to take it off before then. And it worked, I kept it on for nearly seven hours and slept really well! I think taking the choice away helped a lot. Hopefully I'll have enough readings for the technicians when I see them next week, so they can reset my own CPAP brain to exactly the right settings.

Mental health: This is a tricky one. How do I enforce good mental health, even in a small way? Telling myself not to stress so much doesn't really work! I promise to use my meditation app at least twice this week. I can spare 20 minutes of stillness. As I plan this, I can see myself lying there listening but thinking "I need to be doing x and y and z!" and getting more stressed! But I need to teach myself to relax somehow. I don't mean to imply that I am working hard all hours of the day and night, but just that it's when I try to be still and calm that I can start to feel the pressure building.

So, that is the plan for this week.

I renewed my driver licence today. For once I remembered that they take your photo, so I was careful with hair and makeup. So I was disappointed with the picture; not only do I look old, fat and tired; one clump of my hair is sticking out! The wind must have got it just before I went in. Of course the photographer doesn't care what you look like, just takes one photo and there you are for the next five years.

I also had my last physio appointment for my shoulder! So much better now. I need to keep up the home exercises.

NEWSFLASH
Tim called this afternoon to say he didn't get the job on Norfolk Island. He came second in the selection process. Apparently there were a lot of applicants, and one was considered just slightly more qualified in this particular area.

Obviously I'm disappointed and sad, and also a bit surprised. I was pretty sure we were going. I really wanted to go. But I'm very glad to at least finally know, and not be in suspense any more. Also it removes a lot of stress about the whole process of moving in a hurry, and readying the house for renting out, and also about Jasmine missing the last six months of her primary school and the first six months of her new high  school next year (Australian school years are Jan-Dec, or I suppose Feb-Dec as Jan is all summerholidays). And she was going to miss the upcoming dance concert.

Also I was a bit worried about being inaccessible during the sale of my father's house and assets, and all that process.

This leaves us back where we were a couple of months ago, not sure what we are going to do next. Tim will continue to look for work outside the big cities, but what do we do in the meantime? Stay and wait, renovate, move to a bigger/less run-down house? I guess not all the stress is gone! Geez, I need to learn to relax for a minute.

I ate some comfort food, I felt quite let down and seriously considered deleting the first half of this post and forgetting all about those promises I just made because, well, I was sad. That is a good excuse, isn't it? But then I got stubborn, so:

Report card:
Diet: Tick. I ate some very unhealthy food today, but nothing after 8pm.
Exercise: Tick. I marched around the lounge room for 5 minutes.
Water: Tick. Forced down my 8 glasses before bedtime.
Sleep: Tick, and great sleep last night.
Mental health: Poor. Feeling deflated.