Thursday, June 11, 2015



My husband fixed my computer last night by swapping my screen with an old one. Turns out that was the problem, it works fine now. This screen is so tiny! It's not really, it just feels that way compared to my huge one. It's great to have a working computer again after several days of it blinking off all the time. I won't buy a new big screen until we know what is happening with the possible move.

It's only three weeks until my 45th birthday. We haven't made any plans at all. We don't even know where we'll be! I rarely remember it's my birthday coming up with all the other stuff filling my head. I haven't even asked for anything, we are usually pretty big on presents in this family. I don't want bulky items I might not be able to take with me. Hmm, jewellery? That's very portable...

The 4 week dietbet I was doing with my husband finished today. I haven't even been trying, and my weight is more or less the same, as expected. But Tim has been working hard. He already cycled to and from work, and he added some jogging at lunch time and sit-ups etc in the evenings. He stopped snacking in the evening and ate very little junk of any kind - just a couple of desserts while we were away. He lost 2 kg instead of the 3 kg he needed for the bet and is very disappointed. I guess the problem was he didn't have a lot to lose so it comes off more slowly.

I haven't enjoyed Tim being on a diet. I guess part of that might be guilt because I wasn't trying along with him as originally planned. But it's also that it turns out I liked his attitude to food before. He's sometimes (often) said that I think too much about food and dieting and that I should just exercise more. He ate whatever I prepared and didn't snack much, but didn't stress about eating if he was having supper with friends or if he wanted to make pancakes for the kids or something like that. It was all just a part of normal life, food wasn't the enemy. He exercised, by riding his bike to work, for at least 90 mins five days a week and took other opportunities to move as well. And although I always felt he didn't understand how hard it was for me, as an overweight person with food issues, to just do as he did, I did approve of his general attitude.

I didn't like it when that attitude changed to "can't, I'm on a diet." It was kind of disturbing. It seemed all wrong. I'm glad that the diet is over and he can go back to his healthy relationship with food. He is only a very little bit overweight, so maybe he could be mindful of eating a few less biscuits on the weekend or something. He does have high blood pressure, controlled by medication, but I believe that is almost entirely from stress. He could healthily lose a few kilograms over a longer period of time, but not at the cost of obsessing over it!

I'm sick of being on a diet. Thinking about food all the time, mainly in terms of what not to eat. Obsessing about it all, yet never losing any weight. And I can now see more clearly how that looks to those around me. I have a daughter soon to reach her teen years, and I don't want her to inherit all the issues I learned from my mother. Yet for me, not being on a diet is synonymous with eating as much junk food as I want - which is a lot. I have yet to find the happy medium of just eating "normally".

One of my very wrong-headed ideas goes like this: There is a day/event coming up soon when I am going to eat something that isn't healthy. Therefore I can't start eating healthy yet, I have to wait until after that event. Isn't that illogical! I should just start now, and have a treat when the time comes. For some reason it's really hard for me to get my head around that. But I need to, because there is always some kind of event approaching!

I made myself go out for another walk today, even though I really didn't want to. 20 mins. My body seems to be in winter hibernation mode and doesn't want to move - especially out in the cold!

I tried to have a nap this afternoon but was woken after 10 mins by a parcel delivery. I'm looking for a solution to my very poor sleep at the moment, and I have noticed that my CPAP straps seem a bit loose and I have to keep moving them back into place. The straps are elastic but not adjustable. I have looked online and found some people complaining about them, one said they stretch out within 3 months and I have had mine over a year. I can buy them online from the US for $25 plus $33.80 delivery to Australia so I'm investigating whether I can buy just the straps locally. I can buy the whole headset replacement here for about $270 so I don't want to do that until I need to, I already had replacement nasal pillows and filters so I don't really need the whole thing yet.

Report card:
Diet: Ok.
Exercise: Ok.
Water: Poor.
Sleep: Poor.
Mental health: Ok.

1 comment:

  1. Interesting Natalie,

    I would not be surprise if Tim diet was a way for him to lead by example... I get the "Therefore I can't start eating healthy yet" for me it was not event it was Monday. I'll start on Monday so that whole weekend was all about eating junk. But Monday came and went and nothing change. As you say it's NOW the best time to start.
    One of my daughter had a weight problem and she took care of it, now she should be enjoying herself but she is stressed about food. She think too much about it. She has her schedule and she eat snacks (healthy but too much food it's still too much) at regular time. When we are with her we will eat a full supper and about an hour later she eat a snack. I am still full from supper but she NEED her snack because it's on her routine.
    The changes has to come from within are you eating to live or are you living to eat?