Backsliding

Wednesday:

More night sweats and bad dreams. Last night it was running around an almost-empty shopping complex (on late Sunday afternoon with all the shops closing) trying to find the entrance to the parking lot where I'd left my car. I spent time on a bus going in the wrong direction, I met up with a friend who assured me she knew where it was, I asked at an information desk... so frustrating! I am having so many bad dreams like this, not full-on nightmares but stressful. And I wake all clammy and stinking of sweat and unable to get back to sleep. Don't you just love peri-menopause?

In spite of that I had a very productive day with writing. It's mainly a matter of sticking with staring at the screen long enough to get immersed, then I'm fine. I also practiced guitar and went for a walk, and made a phone call I was dreading a bit. Before Christmas we had a chest of drawers delivered for Aiden, it was flatpacked but part of the deal was that the guy put it together for us, which he did. Except one drawer base was missing. Two months and several phone calls later and it still hadn't been resolved, the best I'd got was "It's on our system, we'll get back to you." I hate confrontation so I wasn't hassling them as much as I should have. But yesterday I took a deep breath and rang again and got cranky. And finally got an answer that they had the missing part in stock now and a promise it would be fixed next week. It hasn't actually been done yet, but this is the furthest I've got so far!

Diet not so good. This is the last week of my eight week diet thing, but I'm having more bad days than good now and I can't really claim to be sticking to it at all. I've put a bit of weight back on and I'm very scared that it won't be long before I'm back to where I started. But I feel so tired and lost that I don't know how to change. Am I sabotaging myself because I'm scared to be thin, or convinced in my own head that I'm incapable of losing weight? Is my husband unconsciously sabotaging me by giving me more than half a kilogram of chocolate for Valentine's? He wants me to be healthy but thinks I obsess about food too much. For him, it's all about exercising more, not restricting food.

Poor Jasmine is sick with a nasty headcold. She doesn't get sick very often. I hope it doesn't spread to the whole household. But how likely is that?