Nope

nday:

I got up and weighed myself with plenty of time to then go for a walk. But my weight was up! Way up! I crawled back into bed and sulked. I felt fat and horrible. Was it delayed reaction from bad party food? Can't have been what I ate yesterday. Then I realised it was just about that time of the month when I retain water - and also that time of the month when it is harder to cope when the scale turns evil! My mood was not good. But at least I had a reason for half a kilogram of weight gain.

I had things planned for the day but I just wanted to stay in bed and wait until it was all over. Distracting myself was probably the better idea, but without getting too worried if I didn't get everything I wanted done.

Saw a redback spider in the garage. Highly venomous. Now I have that to be paranoid about. Sydney, with its hot wet climate, is a home of many kinds of "nopes". So called because you see one then turn around and walk in the other direction saying "nope, nope, nope." Then you get a flamethrower and burn the house to the ground. I sprayed, but don't know if I got it.

There were still some elusive things the kids needed for school that didn't seem to be available in shops I visited locally. So I drove to an Officeworks store, only 15 mins away but on the wrong side of a busy main road so it took a bit of navigating. And they still didn't have everything I needed! But at least I found the specific calculator on Jasmine's list. Then the grocery shopping. It was raining when I left the supermarket, which made me feel guilty because I'd convinced Jasmine not to take a bulky jumper to school in her already overcrowded backpack, I still think it was pretty warm but she might disagree.

While having my lunch I watched US Biggest Loser (an old one I think, but I haven't seen it before). I know a lot of people don't like the show but I love it. Anyway, the episode finished then another one came on! Two in a row. And I watched it. Which is going to be a problem if that is every day. I don't need to be sitting watching TV two hours every afternoon. Quite the opposite. But "record it and watch it later" doesn't work, I watch TV every night from about 7:30, and as-of tonight all my favourite shows are starting up again after the summer holiday break. I'm really going to need to manage my time and my TV allowance. It is a pleasant relaxation, but hours spent in front of the TV are hours not doing something else.

I did 45 minutes guitar practice. I am progressing well with finger picking (one note at a time) but terrible with chords. However at the end of today's session I finally got E and Am, changing back and forth, and passed the skill challenge to progress. Yay! But when I tried it again I was all over the place. My fingers were tired by then, time to stop and do it again tomorrow. Definite progress today.

No writing today, because of the whole morning out shopping then the afternoon TV and guitar until the kids got home. I will work harder tomorrow, first priority. Writing this book is my job at the moment, I need to make time for it and get it done.

Breakfast was bacon, tomato and a nectarine. The fridge was almost empty until I went shopping. No cucumbers!

Lunch was tomato soup and some sharp Epicure cheese.

I was rather proud of my shopping, considering, not buying any junk, even though there was a little voice saying "you know you always give in this time of the month so you might as well just give in now", but that doesn't mean the house was a safe junk-free zone. Veronica insisted on leaving some of that s'mores brownie here on Saturday night. When I objected she said Jasmine would like it and how could I argue with that? Jas had some yesterday and I was fine, not interested. But when the kids got home today Jasmine had another piece. She sat eating it near me. I made the firm decision "no" and that was the end of it. Except it wasn't. And I got myself a piece. A big piece. Aiden asked if he could have the marshmallow topping so I just had the brownie part, but it was still a big slice of rich fudgy sugar. And I ate it all, even after I started to quickly feel a bit sick.

So, that was a fail. I am not going to beat myself up about it, but I am very aware that I have certain scripts in my head that I need to combat. Like "you cannot resist chips" and "you cannot resist chocolate when you have PMS". There is a difference between knowing myself and my vulnerabilities, and letting my evil twin convince me there is going to be an automatic collapse of willpower. I am also working on "you always fail at losing weight". I am not at home to self-sabotage!

Jasmine had her first dance classes here at her new dance school tonight. Both classes are on the same day, I'm not sure if that is a good or bad thing. First tap dancing, which she is new to, and then jazz, which she has been doing for several years. She didn't want to continue ballet, which I am quite glad about. It seems to be bad for your feet and also promotes extreme skinniness. She had a good time at her classes, but she's very shy and still lurking up the back of the room as much as possible.

Dinner was satay chicken and lots of vegetables. I was going to have quinoa with it, but cut that due to the afternoon snack. I had it on a bed of lettuce. I'm the only one who likes quinoa, everyone else has rice. I plan to try some other new things like lentils that I don't usually eat, once I can find recipes to make then palatable.

I didn't like the "after" photo but here are the vegetables for the satay.

It was a mixed day, but overall I did pretty well. And I've thrown out the last bit of that brownie!