Sunday, February 21, 2016

From the outside


From the outside, today would have looked pretty good. I exercised in the morning, I ate mostly good food with some extras, we went to the beach for lunch (not actually onto the sand or swimming), practiced guitar, played World of Warcraft, had family over for dinner. Nothing bad there.

But the whole day I was on the verge of tears.

I wanted to cry when I was ready to exercise and then other people were using the space and I had to wait and try to keep my enthusiasm up. I felt fat and clumsy while dancing. I did actually cry in the shower after dance because exercise often makes my mood plummet (do some people feel good after exercise?). I didn't enjoy lunch at the beach because it was so hot and humid. I cried again when I was trying to practice guitar and I couldn't get the chords. I didn't want family to come over for dinner, I wanted to go to bed and pull the sheets over my head.

I don't think these mood swings have anything to do with what I eat or don't eat, whether I'm restricting food or not, whether I'm exercising on not. No matter how much I plan or analyse, I'm not in control here. And that sucks.


  1. I'm sorry for this. It sounds like a really tough time. I do hope you start feeling better.

    1. Thanks Martha. I'm trying to accept it as just a part of life.

  2. Can I suggest at App to reduce anxiety and stress? I've been using it with my kids. It's based on the "Happiness Trap"which you can read. But otherwise the "Smiling Mind" app is awesome!