Sixteen: reward

Wednesday:

I had a temptation last night after I posted yesterday. Tim brought home a small box of my favourite chocolate for me to celebrate our monthaversary (we were married on the 12th and used to go out to dinner every month, now we still try to at least remember it). I've always said to him in the past that a small amount is welcome even if I'm on a diet because treats are a lovely part of life. But yesterday I'd just got through my third day of healthy eating and didn't want to derail myself just when my body was adjusting to better food. So I put the chocolate away. And thought about it several times throughout the evening but didn't succumb.

And this morning I got my reward, I hit a new low in weight for 2016! I've reversed the little gain after my first round of the 8 week BSD and snuck a little lower. 80.4 kg. Awesome.

I don't feel like I look awesome, yet, at all. Last night I was brushing my teeth after my bath, no clothes on, and Tim came in to ask about something. I could see myself in the mirror and I was aware of every revolting roll of fat. My husband does see me naked but I don't usually stand there and chat for long periods, I felt very self-conscious. But I'm working on my weight and it will get better.

It was a rainy morning today so I got the kids to earn extra computer time by doing housework. This is so win/win. Or even win/win/win! It gives the kids something to do - housework then fun - all morning, it helps me with housework, and then I get to play computer too!

In the afternoon we walked up to the library and got some new books and some exercise.

I am starting to worry about my brother. I just checked email and phone records and the last time I heard from him was 4 February when he called briefly to say he'd got his phone working. That is more than two months ago. Since then I haven't been able to contact him so I don't think he's been checking email (also tried text and leaving a phone message, his phone seems to be on but I don't know if he even knows how to retrieve messages). I tried to invite him over for dinner for his birthday a couple of weeks ago but didn't hear from him. I just emailed my uncle to ask if he'd seen him lately, if not I guess I need to go over there. I don't really know if it's a cause for worry or not - he isn't exactly a regular correspondent. It's a longish drive and I'll probably end up using my key only to find him still in bed asleep in the middle of the afternoon. I'm sure he's gone this long without contacting me before, it's just that we live closer now so I feel like I should hear from him more often. But on the other hand, he could be dead from a heart attack sitting in front of the TV with no one to know. I've mentioned before he has Obsessive Compulsive Disorder and is a Hoarder so the house is disgusting, that is why we don't visit there but I do invite him here. I don't think I'd want to take the kids over, especially without being able to give him notice so he can clean up a bit, or just in case. I dread going. If he has been dead for a month, can I handle being the one to find him?

[edit: he finally contacted me tonight after I tried another seemingly pointless message, he's fine. But I thought I'd leave that paragraph in.]

I unfortunately burned some of my vegetables for dinner tonight so I had some of the potato instead, I am generally trying not to have too much starchy food at the moment. But a bit of roast potato won't derail me. I hope. Definitely having cravings this evening for something sweet. I will be strong. And remember how my weight is going down again, and I want to continue that.

I found soup for lunch a bit light (not enough protein all morning?) and needed a bigger snack in the afternoon, and also a higher calorie dinner with the potato. Overall more calories than I aim for but within an acceptable margin.

B: yoghurt and raspberries, tea.
L: cream of cauliflower soup.
S: cashews, apple.
D: roast lemon chicken, broccoli, potato, cucumber.