And again

Thursday evening:

So by school pick up time my ankle was recovered enough that I was walking more or less normally. I drove to the school anyway as we were going straight to gymnastics. I was telling Aiden's teacher that I was having trouble finding an Akubra for him and we were agreeing that his school hat would be fine for the concert (he is the narrator, reading "Wombat Stew" while others act it out -- such a good reader for a five year old!) and we walked down some steps together. And my ankle gave out again.

As you do, I pretended I wasn't in agony and just kept walking and talking while I felt like my face was going white. Even whiter than usual, that is. I'm pretty much snow-coloured already. Why do we do that -- like you trip over and then jump up and pretend you're fine even though you want to cry. I guess it's to save face or something. Anyway, I was in a lot of pain and held on to anything available on the way back to the car as I tried to look normal.

Tonight it's back to a gentle ache -- barely hurts at all right now -- but I am really scared of twisting it again. It was steps both times today, but I really don't feel like I can predict what is going to hurt it. Maybe I need to get some proper strapping for it for a few days.

I want to be exercising. I want to be out in the slightly tempramental but often lovely spring weather. Our local flower show has started, it is a huge tourist attraction, and I haven't been yet. I want to go lots of times and wander around amongst the tulips. I want to do some gardening. We've been paying a gardener who mows and prunes, he's cleared all the weeds out of the raised vegetable beds my husband made for me and I want to plant things; I even bought some snowpea seedlings this morning. I want to have a little bounce on our trampoline, and try jogging around the lake, and I feel very cranky and frustrated and irritable. I feel like a failure for not exercising, for letting this beat me.