Struggles

Thursday:

Sometimes I think working from home is a really bad idea. It was/is practical with two young children, but so isolating. My husband works long hours and I often go days without seeing anyone else for more than a few words at school pick-up. When my closest friend here, who I try to get together with once a week, has only been available about one week in three lately now that she's working full-time; and my husband is away for a couple of nights, I feel really lonely and alone.

I've thought about getting part-time work somewhere that I would see people, hopefully still as an editor, but there are two reasons why it's not a great option right now. Firstly my old RSI problem is still a problem if I spend long hours at the computer -- working for myself I can take lots of breaks -- and secondly we are trying to move states soon, dependant on my husband finding work there. I feel like my life is a bit on hold while waiting for that.

Feel depressed today. Don't know how I am going to lose this weight. I have thought about not taking on any new clients, and when I finish this job (with one more coming some indefinite time in the future) just devoting myself to exercise. Just walking or something for five hours a day.

I don't think I am very good at working for myself anyway. I spend far too much time wasting time, as I have no boss watching me. I charge clients by the word, not the hour, so I am not cheating them; but I'm not very efficient with my time these days. So different from the old me. I used to be so organised, so conscentious, always on-time. Now I am unmotivated and lazy. My health is suffering and my mental health is suffering. I need to change something.

Time to pick up the kids and go to the gym. I'd rather just crawl into bed and pull the covers over my head. Wake up in 100 years like sleeping beauty to find everything has miraculously changed.